Right Up Your Alley: Vancouver's gay blog

Dude, where's my blog?

2008-09-08T07:55:00.000-07:00

Happy happy joy joy we've moved, dear reader, to new digs and lost our righteousness.

Change your bookmark and come on over...http://www.xtra.ca/blog/vancouver/

Vancouver Fringe Festival Review One - PUTZ

2008-09-06T02:08:00.000-07:00

Scrupolosity...I don't know what it means. But along with words like Herpesiphighonnoritis and Blahamablam, I can certainly guess the meaning and be pretty certain that I'm right.

After all, just look at this guy:

His name is Andrew Bailey. He is a one-man show. He is a one-man show called Putz. And interestingly enough, it's sort of a hetero-lesbian schizophrenic one-man show. Intrigued? I certainly was. I've retyped the blurb in the Fringe Guide, which can be found at Blenz locations throughout the city or online at the link above:

"Scrupulosity's Andrew Bailey has a best friend who comes out to him as a lesbian. He also has a psychiatrist who orders him to start dating. Then things get kinda weird."

Now I have a couple things to say before I review. The Fringe Festival is better organized than the Vancouver Queer Film Festival, which ran last month in theatre throughout the city. I would like to thank PR maven Jessica Nesselroad, along with the on-site staff tonight for their help. They are professionals, so if you go to a show and decide to flirt, keep it classy ladies and gentlement. They have a job to do!

Secondly: queer content this year is there, but you have to look for it. So check back for updates next week. I have a couple more picks that I'll tell you about then.

Review
I came for the queer content and stayed for the flip chart. One-man shows are a risky business. Being naturally inclined to monogamy, I speak from experience. The highs are diszzying, the lows are depth-defying and more often than not, hit rock bottom before you even know where you're heading there. One-man shows depend on the actor, especially one-man shows with props (you may naturally think of Carrot Top, but don't because there is nothing natural about him *shudder*)

*insert blood curdling scream here*

Bailey's character is a nerd. I'm not going to mince words. He is the nerdiest of nerds: high socks, high libido, with a penchant for ordinary button-ups and sensible shoes. Stalkerish, he also composes acrostic poetry for his various paramours. If you are thinking it's a play featuring the following Simpson's anti-hero:

You are correct. Milhouse Van Houton lives!!

There are certain people who bring out the bully in me. Bailey's character is one of them. I frequently had to supress the urge to run up and pants the guy and/or give an atomic wedgie, followed by a quickie wet willie and snake burn for a farewell. That's a sign of good acting and good writing. Oooo the passion!

Watching the quickly-moving 60 mins of this play was like hanging out with the guy at London Drugs who fixes laptops after he's taken a couple tabs of speed.

Structurally, it felt like two plays pieced together - the lesbian friend storyline vs the shame of a sexually repressed 30-something. Though from the pairing of both, the audience got to hear lines like: "we were a society of two," which I thought did an admirable job of expressing two distinct sexual solititudes experience by two very different individuals.

So final word on the queer: mutton dressed as lesbian. Queer content in this one feels like window dressing, but in the end who cares. Bailey's delivery will make you laugh, so get out and see Putz, hell, take your girlfriend(s) and/or boyfriend(s). Hell, just take your firends. And bring your mom too. It's running at the Waterfront Theatre on Granville Island, with shows on Sept 7, Sept 9, Sept 11 and Sept 14.

Internet dating, Meg "Picasso Face" Ryan and Lurid Digs

2008-09-04T21:22:00.000-07:00

**THE FRINGE FESTIVAL IS RUNNING RIGHT NOW THROUGHOUT VANCOUVER. GRAB A GUIDE AT YOUR LOCAL BLENZ AND SEE SOME SHOWS. I'M HEADING TO SEE PUTZ TOMORROW NIGHT AND WILL POST A REVIEW THIS WEEKEND**

Internet dating is a lot Meg "Picasso Face" Ryan...almost everything about it sounds and looks good in principle, but then you take a closer look:
And discover that everything is not as it should be...nor has it been for a long, long time.

Recently, my journalistic instincts have gone into overdrive and I'm cooking up a non-fiction collection of essays modeled after Canada's own Jan Wong. In the spirit of an article I posted here a couple weeks back, I've joined Manhunt.net ... and I'm hoping to interview some fine local gentlemen now that I have a phone (the 6 week ordeal is over and that damn Richard Branson and his Virgin Mobile goons have made hundreds of dollars off my recent misfortune - damn them straight to Palm Springs!)

My favourite online "encounter" so far involved a one-word message (sent with requisite photo of headless torso) that said:

"Dam"

Dear reader: I laughed, I cried, I took a nap and when I woke up the sun was shining just so through the windows and a pidgeon cooing softly in the distance, I went for a walk, bought some humus, made a delicious sandwich and reflected on Petty and Vindictive 2007 and all the bitchy things I did that year whilst leaning against the balcony railing...and then it hit me a second time: what the fuck does 'Dam' mean?

Here's a site you will love. It's called Lurid Digs: Horrifying Gay Amateur Interiors. Think twice before you post that profile shot. People are judging you and you might just end up all over the internet. PS don't click on the above link if you don't like penises and/or nausalicious interior design. You've been warned.

September 24, 2007

Pandit’s Bunny World

Steve: I’m totally into this on four different levels, at least. First of all I think it’s phenomenal that Pandit was able to purchase all of the upholstery for his entire home from one massive bolt of fabric. The coordination we’re experiencing in this highly decorative interior is owing to that alone.

But the little details are what make this come together; things you don’t notice at first, like the tiny whimsical birdhouse behind our lover’s shoulder. Note how it has sprouted limbs and is frolicking about as if to say, “I’m here to ensure that every detail of your intercourse is going to be joyful and uplifting.”

Should we need intercession to our Lord, The Blessed Virgin Mary is present in the form of a comforting plaster figurine. In terms of Hell’s fury, there is no safer sex, my friends.

Also, I know some people are going to object to the bunny dolls on the sofa, but that’s because they’ve never had the pleasure of kinky sex with an nicely oiled gym adonis atop a pile of hand-sewn decorative rabbit plush. Let me just tell you that it’s something you’re going to want to do again and again.

There is nothing here to indicate that the sex will be anything other than a 100% fantastic experience. I’m going to recommend that you bring along a Polaroid, because this is the kind of thing you’re going to want to share with people.

April 9, 2007

Bring the Boys Home

File Under:For the hell of it | Suffocating Sofas

Hot in the City vs Meat Street Beat (The Chemical Brothers)

2008-09-03T22:56:00.000-07:00

You know, I've always had a thing for the Chemical Brothers. They reinvent their sound with every record and once every couple records, they make a song that speaks to me on a i-wish-i-wasn't-born-in-the-eighties-so-i-could-have-gone-to-the-real-parties-in-the-nineties kind of level. If you don't know what I mean, don't waste your time trying to figure it out, instead check out these two tracks on your own time: from Surrender "Out of Control" and from Push the Button "Believe."

The Chemical Bros have released a new album called Brotherhood this week and the current single is "Midnight Madness" - the video for it is So You Think You Can Dance meets Keebler Elf meets the Grinch Who Stole Christmas.

And get this: they have a Google Earth project on their http://www.thechemicalbrothers.com/ website. Think Earthitarium.

Part of my duties here is entertainment blogger. In fact, I've managed to talk my way into the BestGayCities stronghold and will be blogging for a global gay audience semi-regularly about the gay scene in Vancouver. How's them adam's apples? Eh? Eh? More news on that soon, but in the meantime, check out http://www.gaycities.com/ if you're planning on traveling anytime soon.

Now, on to local entertainment news...

Remember that time in the distant past when you owned a car, before they became synonymous with terms like "imperialist" and "planet killer"? If you don't, those were the salad days. Back then, gasoline grew on trees and thongs were something you wore on your private parts, not on your feet.

Or as Vitamin V puts it:

SEPTEMBER 3RD, 2008

DOWNTOWN DRIVE-IN

Remember when "parking the car" was tantamount to romance?

These days it takes dinner and a good bottle of wine, but tonight the cinephile in us has reason to be easy—the rooftop of the EasyPark at 150 Water Street transforms from paved parkade to downtown drive-in.

For three consecutive Wednesday evenings this month, The Gastown Drive In pays homage to our fair city by featuring Canadian full-length and short films shot in Vancouver. Entitled "Vancouver Stars As Itself," the series kicks off tonight with the mockumentary Hard Core Logo. After the screenings, audiences are invited to meet filmmakers at local Gastown haunts The Lamplighter, The Irish Heather and Salt Tasting Room.

Car free? Don't fret. Pedestrians and cyclists are free to be easy too.

The Gastown Drive In runs September 3, 10 and 17, 2008. Gates at 7:30 p.m., show at 8:30 p.m., admission is free, $6 to park. Reservations for cars are recommended and can be made here.

Listen, Vitamin V, don't tell me not to fret. I will fret when and where I choose to fret and you have no say in the matter. Your sultry charms and mysteries are dead to me. DEAD.

For the record, I believe the V in Vitamin V stands for Vacuous...though often while reading their updates, I wish it stood for Viagra. On a literal level, I object to the name altogether. Vancouver is not a vitamin. And vaginas aren't vitamins either...

...or are they?

Update: Tuesday post fixed

2008-09-03T19:10:00.000-07:00

Apparently Marc Bartolomeo is too hot for blogspot, as his photos refused to load to the page for many RUYA readers. The post is fixed. For sexy, click here.

Man cleavage

2008-09-02T22:15:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well...dear reader, you're in for a *treat* today. If you think that Tuesday Hotness is the best day of the week here on RUYA (and if you don't think that already, start thinking it now...or else) ...

Jesus I was going somewhere with that sentence and got sidetracked by making unsubstantiated sexy threats to your well-being. Let's face it. I'm just not myself today. Why all the flusterpation and general disconfrabulated sense of self?

After sorting through my vancouvergayblog@gmail.com email account, I stumbled across a shocker. It's like I've been to some netherworld where jeans and jockstraps have had "relations" in a the back of leatherbar and failure to use protection resulted in a hideous bastard child we all have dreamt of, yet few have seen to believe:

Is it a jockstrap? Is it a pair of jeans?

I will not lie to you, dear reader. I have heard whispers of such pants. Gay whispers...A dependable (though often boring) source out in Yaletown has confirmed that these are actually a strapless thong-jeans hybrid (sounds crazy, but it must be true if the Yalies say it's so), which would make the above pair of whatevertheyare a pair of Theans. Try saying this sentence outloud: "Hey, guy, I like your Theans." Doesn't get much gayer than that, now does it?

This photo was sent to me by a loyal RUYA reader that I affectionately refer to as "Victoria Armanda" (who is getting married next weekend) and she requests that everyone visits the full website at www.rufskin.com. She writes: "How does one sit properly and not stick to the chair?"

These are the kinds of questions that drive even the strongest of men...and women...mad. Do not dwell on this, Victoria Armanda. DO NOT! Despite all my advanced gayness and predisposition for scantily clad posteriers, not even I can predict what may happen to you if you continue down this path. Stop now, before you end up like this:

(for the love of god and baby jesus, look at what he's doing to the actor that plays Puppy #2)

Tuesday Hotness - Marc Bartolomeo

2008-09-02T15:21:00.001-07:00

Better late than never...

Good news: I've got an internet connection again.

More good news: This guy (see below)

Marc “Sparky” Bartolomeo is an electrician by trade and has been in the field for a little over 15 years. He did some modeling and also did some show for TLC that featured him "fixing" things. Blah blah blah...on to the photos.

My friend's cat was named Bartholomeow, so this posting is dedicated to his memory. RIP, baby.

No telephone and no internet make Sean something-something...

2008-09-01T23:00:00.000-07:00

So here's a sorry state of affairs...The big move didn't go as well as we hoped. Although my sister and I are now in a new pad off Davie St (now with 50% more gay!), we don't have internet and or telephone service as Virgin Mobile is not all that it's cracked up to be.

Tragic yes and this internet cafe is even more tragic. Which is why I am quickly going to post a video to tide you over until I can post a full Tuesday Hotness blog tomorrow when my internet service is back up and running. Check back later in the day. Hope you all enjoyed your weekend, Labour-free.

Douche Cologne/Ten things I hate about U-haul

2008-08-31T21:41:00.001-07:00

Before we delve deeper into the brotherhood of the traveling douche, I would like to proclaim that I hate U-haul. And no, it's not just some trivial dislike of mine blown out of proportion due to a fit of frivolity. Nay, kind reader. I repeat: nay.

After many years of hijinx ($19.95 vans turning into $369.82 vans, pick up locations in Chilliwack, drop off locations in hell, etc), the shit teeth collective at U-haul command-control-centre (perhaps located in U-tah?) sent my sister and I to an abandoned, boarded up building in the middle of Nowheresville, Vancouver Island to pick up a truck.

Here's a surprise: there was no truck there.

Here's another surprise: Client Relations Manager "Zariak" (no surname, which means he more akin to Jesus and Cher, than mere mortals like you and I) told me a real zinger on the phone after I called 1-800-NO-BALLS. He told me, "There's nothing I can do for you."

Well, "Zariak", why the fuck do you have a job then?

"There's nothing I can do for you" is something I would expect from:

1) Celine Dion (who also has no balls)

2) Lamb-Chop (who has neither balls nor a spine)

3) Bad jokes about spousal abuse (which take balls and often involve not the fun kind, but that other kind of beating)

Anyway, I won't get into the other things I hate about U-haul (the name, the hyphen in the name, the shorthand convenience of the name, the font, its u-move monopoly here in Canada, the vehicle checks, the orange everything...you get the idea)

Okay so I did get into it, but here's the real blog for today:

You may have noticed the resurgence of douchebag in popular culture. Sure, when John Mayer wears a douchebag shirt, it's whimsical and poignant and delightful in all the ways it should be. However, when you actually meet a douchebag, they are none of these things.

Don't know what a douchebag is and are too lazy to click on the hyperlinks above? You're my kind of people. Watch this instead!

Douche Cologne Spoof on male cologne such as Axe body spray.

Brenda Dickson: "Give yourself a chest camel toe by lifting nuts and bolts to your chin!"

2008-08-28T23:35:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my home...I'm Brenda Dickson. You may remember me from such soap operas as The Young and the Restless...oh wait, that's the only thing you'll remember me from because I didn't have a career beyond that.

Fact: If you get skinny enough, you'll look like a lollipop...nice big head...stick body...that's the goal, isn't it?

Thanks to comedian Deven Green for posting these on YouTube. Here are the rest of the spoofs:

And here's the original:

Enjoy.

The Lion, the Witch and the Whoredrobe....

2008-08-28T00:23:00.000-07:00

Before eternal winter set in upon the land of Narnia, I imagine the following gentleman caller enjoyed long midnight dances, sexy hunting parties, feasting, and treasure trail seeking.

His many likes include lampposts, fauns, nymphs, dryads, Red Dwarfs, wayward British children disguised as messiahs, and talking animals, especially Mr. and Mrs. Beaver.

His dislikes include Turkish Delight, long walks through the snowy forest, anal fisting and being turned into stone.
Don't let his come-hither smile and whimsical dress fool you. It is Mr. Tumnus in a disguise. In a shocking role reversal, he has left Narnia for the red-carpet pleasures of MTV. I, for one, don't want anything to do with him. Back into the closet..er, "wardobe"...with you foul he-beast.

In other news, the Vancouver Queer Film Festival announced its winners. If my own ramblings about queer film didn't convince you of its relevance and importance to all things queer, check out this official press release (note: I didn't receive this until Tuesday, Aug 26) -

MEDIA RELEASE

Media Contact: Robin Perrin

t. 604.844.1615 | robin@outonscreen.com

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

20^th Anniversary Vancouver Queer Film Festival
Unveils Award Winners at Closing Gala

Vancouver, BC (August 25, 2008) - At last night's Closing Gala Ceremonies the 20th Anniversary Vancouver Queer Film Festival announced the winners of the Vancity enviro Visa People's Choice Award for Best Feature, the OUT tv Hot Pink Shorts Award - both chosen by audience members during the 11 day festival - and the Gerry Brunet Memorial Award, selected by a jury of artists and film curators.

The visually stunning musical Were the World Mine by director Tom Gustafson took the People's Choice Award for Best Feature. The film tells the tale of high school student Timothy, prone to escaping his dismal reality through dazzling musical daydreams, and his discovery of a love potion that turns much of his narrow-minded town gay. Were the World Mine is Gustafson's feature directorial debut and was screened as part of the Vancouver Queer Film Festival's youth focus program. The film proved so popular that a third screening was added during the festival. Vancity enviro Visa generously provides the $1500 prize for the audience's choice for best feature film.

Local filmmaker Claudia Morgado Escanilla took home the festival's first Out tv Hot Pink Shorts Award for her charming film, No Bikini. Based on a story by Ivan E Coyote, the film is about a seven year old who decides to go without her bikini top at a summer camp, with surprising results. The film was screened twice during the festival, once as part of the KinderKino family program and again at the annual The Coast is Queer program. OUT tv provides the $750 prize for the audience's choice for best short film.

The jurors for the Gerry Brunet Memorial Award had a difficult time selecting a winner from among the worthy entries this year, an indication of the quality of the short films the festival now screens. In the end the prize went to two deserving films: Hirsute by AJ Bond and Writing the Land by Kevin Lee Burton. Hirsute features a time-travelling scientist who encounters his future self while Writing the Land offers a meticulous study of language and landscape. Claudia Morgado's No Bikini received honourable mention from the jury. The Gerry Brunet Memorial Award is awarded for the best short film or video by a British Columbian director and is given in recognition of Gerry Brunet, a lifelong contributor to arts organizations and an early Board member of Out On Screen. The award is worth $1500 ($500 cash and $1000 in production services courtesy of Technicolor).

In addition to the annual festival film awards, last night interdisciplinary artist, writer and activist Laiwan was the proud recipient of the Vancouver Queer Film Festival's 20th Anniversary Award. The award, a $2000 prize, was presented to Laiwan in recognition of her contribution to queer media in BC over the past two decades. Laiwan's multi-media exhibition LOOSE WORK was at the OR Gallery during the festival.

20 Years: Looking Back with Pride, Looking Ahead with Hope and Anticipation

While the final numbers are not yet in, all indications are that this year's 11 day festival was the most successful to date. Not only were the films well attended, but the numerous panels, workshops and performances drew record participation. As Vancouver's second largest film festival, the Vancouver Queer Film Festival continues to grow in scope and size.

The festival opened with the heart warming film from South Korea, Like a Virgin, and featured an additional gala film in honour of the 20^th Anniversary, a special screening of Aerlyn Weissman's Little Sister's vs, Big Brother. The Queer History Project saw its second commissioned film premiere at the festival with Rex vs. Singh, the story of the trial of two Sikh mill workers accused of sodomy a year following the 1914 Komagata Maru incident. The highly anticipated film by Ali Kazimi, Richard Fung and John Greyson generated interest from the public, community groups as well as national and international media. Fittingly, the Queer History Project website was also launched during this year's festival. The interactive website is intended to be a place where the Vancouver queer community can create, explore and share its history. See www.queerhistoryproject.com

Other festival highlights include the festival's artist in residence Coral Short and her Wolves on Parade performances, Aerlyn Weissman's words of wisdom at her masterclass on Oral History and Living Memory and the steamy Hot Mix at Friction. The festival closed with the screening of the award winning Argentine film XXY. Filmgoers, filmmakers and performance artists gathered for a final celebration at the Closing Gala party at Celebrities.

Out On Screen's Executive Director, Drew Dennis, commented on the significance of the 20th anniversary festival. "This anniversary has given us an opportunity to recognize how far we've come, both as a festival and as a community. It has also inspired and motivated us to work even harder over the next 20 years. Milestones like this make you realize that tomorrow's legacies are being created today." And as for next year's festival, Dennis promises that "while it's going to be hard to top this year's, we always manage to be inspired. Stay tuned for more surprises in August 2009."

For more information please visit our website: queerfilmfestival.ca

"So, that's a jack fruit ghost, right?"

2008-08-26T23:50:00.001-07:00

Sylvania, Transylvania, Transvestite, Hot Tranny Mess...I can see the brainstorming session behind this commercial. It's one part Thai folk story and one part shameless commercial cash-grab with some sexy sexploitation thrown in for good measure (take a gander at Tall Ghost, who is packing heat in that loincloth. Reeeeeeear! See you on the casting couch, gigantor...)

And because I can't resist the sweet siren call that is Juliette Lewis and the Licks, here's a MSTRKRFT remix for your weekly Meat Street Beat:

Tuesday Hotness

2008-08-25T23:20:00.000-07:00

So there's been a lot of talk recently about how this blog has gotten "too literary" which I've decided to translate into "less talk, more rock" and/or "shut up and get to the point."

I'm not made of time people and neither are you. If you want short I will give you short, so let's cut to the chase. I have a thing for guys named Sean - it's something to do with calling out Sean in certain situations and my name being Sean and the delicious sexy identity crisis that ensues thereafter.

Here's the original Sean for your Tuesday hotness (if you're looking for something a little more naked, feel free to check out last weeks homofication series here, here and especially that Breaux Greer here.)

Olympics 2008: Hits and Misses

2008-08-25T00:15:00.001-07:00

The Vancouver Queer Film Festival is now officially over. The final screening (XXY) was one of the most brilliant movies I've seen in the last five years. Get your hands on a copy and watch it.

The end of the VQFF also marked the end of the 2008 Olympics. Congratulations to all of my homofication candidates. You will surely haunt my dreams for months to come. And to all the Canadian Olympians: thanks for putting on a wicki-wicked show.

Here's some of the best of the worst of the best photos from the Games. If you'd like to see more, click here.

And this last shot in the spirit of Saturday's Raunchorama - which almost made me puke a record four (4) times during its 1.5 hour course.

Homofication: Adam Van Koeverden vs Adam Kreek...with a little Breaux Greer thrown in just because I love you

2008-08-23T00:50:00.000-07:00

It's Raunchorama Resurrected! tomorrow night at the Vancouver Queer Film Festival. Check out one of the most popular annual screenings at Cinemark Tinseltown at 9:30pm. I've heard a lot about the afterparty at Friction (123 Pender St). If you're looking for an excuse to parade around in front of crowd wearing notthing but a towel, this is your night. Congratulations to Right Up Your Alley: Vancouver's Gay Blog pin-up Adam Van Koeverden, who took home a silver in the K-1 500. I don't like pitting hot Canadian Olympian against hot Canadian Olympian, but I realized that after a long week of homofication, these two Adams might need dual it out for top honours here on RUYA. It's the battle of the Adams and both enjoy a good paddle. Who are you going to pick? May the best Adam win...

Olympian Adam Van Koeverden

Olympian Adam Kreek

Adam Greer won a gold this year in the men's eight. He had a lot of face time on CBC...can you blame them?

Oh and for something a little extra - Breaux Greer is not Canadian (though should be), so loses out on those points, but you know what, who the hell cares. He is a homofication candidate if I've ever seen one. His name is interesting, he has wicki-wicked hair and (insert your own javelin joke here)...

Belly button piercing? Heyoooo!

Homofication: Adam Van Koeverden - come on, say his surname out loud...it sounds a lot like...

2008-08-22T00:54:00.000-07:00

Quick update: guess who was denied access at tonight's Vancouver Queer Film Festival screenings? Me? It couldn't possibly be...oh wait, it was. Starry-eyed reporter much? You got my number. For some reason, that week I spent fighting tooth and nail for a media pass so I could cover the festival and devote my next print article to promoting queer film...well, I guess that's not happening now. I did see this guy at Cinemark Tinseltown:

David Charlie was promoting one of the VQFF entries (Mulligans) and he was standing right beside me, listening to me explain how I was a local reporter covering the movie, please let me in so I can review, look at my media pass, etc. to the well-meaning VQFF staff...but alas, to no avail. He then got to witness my eventual Mariah Carey-inspired meltdown. If I wasn't so angry, I would've asked him for a ticket/what his thoughts were about the movie he was starring in but I wasn't going to get to see.

In hindsight, I should have stripped down to my manties and passed out popsicles to the crowd. That Mariah. Is there anything she can't do?

Okay enough. The Olympics are on.

Newflash: Canadians are hot.

Take Adam Van Koeverden. His semi's were fierce and in light of my VQFF "experience" tonight, I also had the pleasure of watching him in the finals instead of watching queer film.

Another homofication candidate if I've ever seen one.

Adam placed 7th and I was happy to watch him doing it:

Listen, Not For Public Use...Quit bossing me...or else

Seriously - is there something in the water up here or what?

Homofication: Is Alexandre Despatie gay?

2008-08-20T22:33:00.000-07:00

Before I go too deep into this entry, I would like to remind everyone that the Vancouver Queer Film Festival is still on and going strong. Tomorrow night I'm going for a back to back viewing at Cinemark Tinseltown (which, as far as names go, sounds like Hallmark met the Town Cinema under a Chirstmastree) - first for Mulligans at 7pm and then for Kiss the Bride for 9:30pm. These appear to be two of the more Hollywoodized enteries this year, which suits the Prim Reaper over here just fine. Here are the trailers:

Now on to hotter things...

I've been talking to a few friends about this one since Despatie won his silver medal on the 3m springboard. It's an interesting gay male phenomenon, one that is shared by one or two of my lesbian friends too and a whole airplane load of straight girls (who often believe that this is "just a phase" and or that "homosexuals, like unicorns and Stephen Harper, don't actually exist").

Anyway, when confronted with an attractive member of the same sex, I often find myself coming to the conclusion, in true Sherlock Homo fashion, that he is gay. Based on what facts you ask? Why sheer sex appeal of course. Clearly, if I am attracted to them, they must be homosexual. Sure there's some hope in there somewhere, but hope isn't sexy so who cares about that.

I believe this is a version of Gaydar, but not quite.

In case you've been dead in a cave for the past 15 years and suddenly found yourself ressurected in some sort of pink paradise, Gaydar is what straight people use to "detect" queers, whereas when gay meets gay, even for the first time, gaydar (like batteries) is not required.

Projecting homosexuality on people who you want to have sex with...that's not gaydar. It's one part fuck me eyes and one part wishful thinking. Wishfuck Eyedar? Eyegay Wishfuck? No no. That's just silly with far too many syllables for the masses.

So I'm going to settle this by coining the following, with the assistance of my friend C:

Homofication

And here's a dictionary entry that someone should send to the urban dictionary stat:

Homofication - slang, def: projecting homosexuality on people who you want to have sex with.

It's a bit like personification, except less to do with inanimate things, and more to do with people whose sexuality you don't know about.

Yet still, the question remains...is he or isn't he?

Verdict: I would like abstain judgement at this time and instead encourage the jury to read up on Rex Homo vs Greg Louganis.

And all this aside, congratulations Alexandre. I'm a huge fan.

If you don't know who I'm talking about, feast yer eyes on our great Quebecois hope, who has delivered at the Olympics, not once, but twice:

Vancouver's Prim Reaper speaks: "Has Manhunt Destroyed Gay Culture?"

2008-08-18T21:47:00.001-07:00

Two nights ago, a good friend of mine sent me a link to one of the most interesting articles on gay culture that I've read in years...perhaps ever. I've had to take some time to think about it and what it says about being gay and gay culture. According to the author, things aren't looking good...

The article is courtesy of out.com, which, for your information, is in direct competition with Manhunt. Although I have reservations about the politics behind Out publishing this article, I don't have the same reservations about what is being said.

I've even heard that Manhunt is about to launch a new site, just for bottoms. They are calling it "Mancunt".

Okay no. I stole that joke from Billeh Nickerson, but you'd almost believe it after reading the original article.

What are your thoughts? Send them to vancouvergayblog@gmail.com or comment on this post. I will anonymously post them in a future post.

What are my thoughts?

Now it's a well-known fact in some social circles that I am the Prim Reaper. In fact if you took:

and added a little bit of this guy:

(shudder - yes that is picture George W Bush oogling an Olympic beach volleyball player)

you'd end up with something that looked a little bit like this:

(me)

Prim Reaper. Serial monogamist. I've been called a lot of things in my day. Which is interesting when you look at my name. Horlor...hmm...even as my blog rival (Right Up Your Alley: Kamloops) recently pointed out, my last name seems to lend itself to easy (and I mean easy) jokes: horny, whore, whore lure, horny horror...if you can think it, I have heard it at least once this lifetime. Trust me.

I do prefer meeting people the following way over the Manhunt way though:

Yes, yes, it's old fashioned. And the video clip I use to illustrate my point is ten minutes long. Ten minutes long?!? Why that's longer than most one night stands! (yes, I am retiring that line after this post). And on top of all that, they aren't even speaking English. But it gives me hope, gentlemen. Hope that North American TV will eventually catch up its European counterpart. Hope that from some, romance is still preferred over a quick anonymous fuck.

Tuesday Hotness: Jared Connaughton

2008-08-18T21:00:00.000-07:00

I've let the ball (or balls?) drop on the hotness files here. So I'm going to make it a regular Tuesday feature. I promise. Tuesdays are hard. So is this guy:
Hello? Have YOU been watching the Olympics? I saw PEI's Jared Connaughton run yesterday and swear to god and baby jesus on the cross: my pants jumped right off my legs and ran out the apartment door.

Not for public use? Pffft. Quit bossing me around, "not for public use" boss. You don't know me.

You're number one in my books, Jared, so go ahead and kick some ass in your semis tomorrow. And if you need a "writer" to help sort out your crazy Beijing experiences into a bare-all...fine, I mean tell-all... biography, or you know, someone to come lift weights from time to time, I'm your man: call me!

Vancouver Queer Film Festival - Bangkok Love Story

2008-08-17T17:24:00.000-07:00

After a hit-and-miss weekend, I was happy to head down to the Vancity Theatre tonight and continue the film-high that came with the kick-off to Vancouver Queer Film Festival's 20th anniversary.

I tagged Bangkok Love Story as one of my must-sees in my Xtra! West column last week and I know it is supposed to be a tradgedy, but I would tell anyone considering a trip to see the second screening on Wednesday to walk in with "romantic comedy" on their mind. Sure there was the HIV story line (which was hard hitting), prostitution, multiple unrequited loves and more tradgedy during the movie's running time than you could shake a limp dick at, but seriously folks, who could forget the romantic peek-a-boo scene, genitals being creatively blocked out by fresh visual metaphors like poles, sexy bathing, the butterfly chimes/tattoos (as my good friend Amanda coined: Mariah Carey co-producing...anyone? anyone?)...the list could go on.

Should I say it?

No. I shouldn't.

But I am going to say it anyway:

The plot had more holes than swiss chesse (heeeeyooo!)

On another note: written and directed by Poj Arnon, the film deconstructs Thai gay stereotypes by dipicting two masculine gay men falling in love overtop a standard action/thriller plot line. The cinematography alone is worth your dollars. Here are some stills:

What do I mean by "masculine" and Thai stereotypes? Well, I'm glad you asked...

My ex and I spent nearly four months in South East Asia this past fall/winter, mostly in Bangkok and also in Chiang Mai in northern Thailand. Wherever we went, the Thais would inevitably ask us: "So which one is the woman?" I would joke and say it was my ex and the Thai girls would laugh (word to the wise: few things can make a temper flare in 40C weather faster than an attack on your manhood) and then we'd all go and buy a few more litres of Beer Chang from the grocery store and drink them on the street and bygones were bygones and onward went the trip. Curious what I'm talking about? Take a look:

(Those two photos are probably enough to make you happy you weren't travelling with me, eh?)

What's the point of this long personal anecdote?

As you may have guessed, there isn't one.

No wait. There is. Thai mainstream culture accepts homosexuality, but stereotypically, it's one a level of man + lady-boy. This film breaks that converntion, though does it in Thai style: melodramically, with an ear-drum-popping accompaniment of sugary Thai ballads. And of course, the smoldering Chaiwat Thongsaeng spends most of the movie in his underwear, so even if you can't take the paint-by-numbers dialogue, stop reading the subtitles and focus on this:

If you've been to Bangkok, Bangkok Love Story will bring back memories (it reminded me of Thong Lor and Sukhumvit districts and throughout the movie, I swear I could hear the BTS Skytrain attendant announcing: Nana)

There is a second screening this Wednesday. Take the time to go see it.

In other news: the websmaster at Right Up Your Alley: Kamloops and I have called a truce. He apologizes and I'm offering him the same...and hell, I've even added him to the blogroll. In light of all that drama, there may be some changes coming to our format here. I'll keep you posted.

Honey Dijon also graced Vancouver with a stellar perfomace on Saturday night at the Majestic. I managed to chat with her mid-set (she's as gorgeous as she is talented). Thanks to Tommy D and Richard for the good times. Here she is:
Lastly, MLA-hopeful Spencer Herbert was on the corner of Davie and Bute today talking up his campaign. Check out his website: www.spencerherbert.ca. Check out his platform. This guy is the real deal.

Get out and see some films, y'all!

We all know what comes out of a one-way alley...

2008-08-15T16:24:00.000-07:00

I'd like to take a moment to take you, loyal Right Up Your Alley: Vancouver's Gay Blog reader, on a trip back in time to May 2008, when the street people combing Vancouver's many alleys still had a Spring spring to their step, when Britney Spears was still riding high on her choice to wear panties again, when I still thought owning shorts that fell above the knee was something to be celebrated and/or photographed, when whoremones were a quality I attributed to the strangers who always ask "what are you doing after [insert club name here]?" around 1pm on the dancefloor versus (as I've recently discovered) a quality that most of humankind seems to inherently possess.

Those were the salad days. I was younger then. With a one-pack stomach waiting to be mocked. And my undying love for all things Bai Ling had not yet been quenched.

Ah who's kidding who. My Bai Ling fire will never be put out.

What you probably don't know, dear reader, is that I spent 6 weeks (that's 42 days - a long time in a freelancer's life) in negotiation with Xtra! West and Xtra! Capital over the name for a blog. Sure we dreamed big. I searched far and wide and then wider for the perfect name to capture all things queer in Vancouver. From New York to Bangkok to Brasilia, I pitched friends with blog names designed to fish-hook the eye into a love affair it would never forget.

Nothing was out of bounds:

Bars, Clubs, Whips and Chains?

Bright Lights, Big Twinky?

Gay Everyday?

Stick It In Me Raw?

We compiled a list of 40 names. And then a short list. And then a short-short list. And then votes poured in from all across the country. Queers everywhere were uniting in a way I haven't seen since my coming out party in Victoria back in 2001. There was laughter. There were tears. Somebody even got laid. But when the dust settled, we chose Right Up Your Alley: Vancouver's Gay Blog as the banner to unite Vancouver queers online.

And then we did our homework too: Googled online for blogs of a similar name and ilk. We even checked BestGayBlogs in case some other crafty homo had beat me to it. There were no hits to be found and hence, a new golden age of blogging commenced in this mighty West Coast metropolis I'm proud to call home.

Fast forward to July 2008, when a woman in Victoria heckled me during a literary reading over the name of the very blog you're reading right now (in case you forgot: Right Up Your Alley: Vancouver's Gay Blog).

Fast forward again to the dizzying highs (John Mayer, Zima) and depth-defying lows (the Jarics' infamous "performance malfunction", Stephen Harper).

And now let's fast forward to the lowest of all lows: there is another Right Up Your Alley blog in British Columbia...and it is not good (...significant pause...) news for Vancouver.

You can imagine my surprise opening my email account this morning to find that the webmaster of that other site had taken the low road and panned my own career along with this blog. Admittedly (and all high horses aside), social media equates a loss of privacy, so I'm getting what I asked for, aren't I?

Yet instead of sending me an investigative email to discuss (like adults) an unfortunate coincidence, he posted this: http://www.rightupyouralley.ca/kamloops/2008/08/one-way-only.html.

And although I'm normally not one to stoop down and sling shit (which, for everyone's reference, is what comes out of the one-way alley), the bar has been lowered. Thast said, I believe that in the world of blogs, all publicity is good publicity.

That other blogger also sent me the following rhymes:

How can I express

The profound distress

I experienced this week

When instead of unique...

I discovered my blog name

And yours are the same!

I've been toiling away

Four hundred and seventeen days

To build an identity

With local amenity

But the alias I treasure

Is now contested, I measure

Is there a way to resolve

In some way that involves

A reasonable solution

To this blogging confusion?

The alternative might be

A Kamloops blog eugoogooly

Regardless of my suspiscion that is a dig at the fact that I have published a book through an actual publishing house, I submitted the above poem to readers who have sent me fashion photos at vancouvergayblog.blogspot.com for comment.

Here's what one Right Up Your Alley: Vancouver's Gay Blog reader had to say: "Rhyming such as this is juvenile and always insulting (especially to anyone with half a brain who enjoys real literature)"

Furthermore, the author of this "poem" should consider submitting it to: earlyed@vancouver.cbc.ca because, as another reader informed me, they are looking for literary gems like this.

Thank you, Barry Something-Or-The-Other. I love your stance as the blogger who "loves journalism, is not a journalist. Loves politics, is not a politician." And loved you even more during your stint doing whatever it is you do to make your life work.

Rest assured, my Kamloops counterpart, if I could turn back time and change this blog handle, I would do so in order to not be associated with you in any way whatsoever, especially since this posting: http://www.rightupyouralley.ca/kamloops/2008/08/one-way-only.html attaches my name to homophobic jokes that still--despite years of combatting hate and discrimination--make me physically sick.

However, since gays haven't yet invented time travel (emphasis on yet), I will have to console myself with web traffic that has mistaken this site for yours. Who knows. We may both expose our blog readers to ideas they wouldn't normally entertain.

Agree or disagree, my Kamloops counterpart, this is a good thing.

Queerywood

2008-08-15T02:13:00.000-07:00

I love that Vancouverites frequently have the audacity to come out en force and celebrate the talent in our city the way it's meant to be celebrated: on a red carpet, with enough style and penache to make even the most hard-hearted of us all pre-determined to capture and demand the attention of the hottest flames and dames in our city and make a scene to remember.
The opening gala of the Vancouver Queer Film Festival was crackalacking tonight. And with the 30C weather and humidity reminiscent of a swelting New York night, this city's filmerati were prepared to bring the heat to the Empire Theatre in the Granville entertainment district and kick the thermostat up a couple degrees higher.

And the after party at Celebrities was something else. The fashion installations featured the work of local corsetiere Melanie Talkington, of Lace Embrace Atelier on Main and 16th. Here's a photo I snapped between swilling SKYY Vodka and being hand-fed chocolate covered strawberries by a local hearthrob:

I'll have a full review of tonight's screening of Like A Virgin posted here tomorrow night. In the meantime, check out www.queerfilmfestival.ca for a complete day-by-day guide of the festival. Get out, get your membership (for a low $2), get some tickets and support some of the most innovative and brilliant queer cinema to hit Vancouver in years.

If you want to feel 20 again, celebrate VQFF's anniversary with the best this city has to offer.

As VQFF Executive Director Drew Dennis explained: "Our goal is to grow and increase queer development in our community."

Trust me: they've done it. Wait til you see how.

"Leave Sir Ian McKellen's cock alone"

2008-08-14T10:40:00.000-07:00

I've had more technical difficulties on uploading to this blog than I've had sexual partners. And trust me, the hours I spend trying to unsuccessfully coerce and cajole blogspot.com to open up and take my posts remind more of a "performance malfunction" than of a mutually beneficial relationship, where everyone's needs are being met on a timely and satisfactory manner, five days a week, come rain, come shine or just plain come.

I thought tennis superstar and soon-to-be-world-number-one Rafael Nadal was my new boyfriend, but it's looking more and more like Right Up Your Alley and I are entering a codependent relationship that echoes the many codependent relationships of my recent past.

That said, the new SCORE I was writing about on my last post...it's an eye-popper. They've revamped Davie's favourite sports bar into an uber-swank lounge with one of the largest public plasma TV screens in Canada.

Here's the new GM giving a snapshot of what you can expect from SCORE's new concept and their new private lounge:

To tide you over until I can post photos again, here's a column from the one, the only: Billeh Nickerson. You can check out his Art Fag column online at www.xtra.ca:

Leave Sir Ian McKellen's cock alone
ART FAG / Americans should worry about the true pricks on TV

Billeh Nickerson / Xtra.ca / Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Printable version

Discuss this story

E-mail this to a friend

You've got to love Americans. During a time of record oil prices, mortgage and financial uncertainties, an upcoming election and a pair of sticky wars that just won't go away, some folks are already bracing for the scandal of PBS broadcasting a full-frontal nude scene from one of our generation's most respected thespians.

(I say thespian and not actor as when I was little and used to lisp, thespian sure sounded like lesbian.)

Yes, Magneto himself, Sir Ian McKellen, may or may not have his naughty bits broadcast on public television when PBS airs the filmed version of King Lear in early 2009. Though almost six months away, people are already curious to see just what the thinking person's network will do with his 69-year-old cock.

If the FCC freaked out at Janet Jackson's infamous Super Bowl nipple (which, according to the New York Times, has had its early fine against CBS thrown out by an appeals court) what are they going to do with about a 69-year-old wiener? Perhaps they will try to bitmap (those small black boxes) his crotch. Perhaps they will place the PBS logo down there or just cut out the scene entirely. Nothing like censoring that filthy minded Shakespeare, eh?

If the possible cock show were from a Republican-supporting actor, then I doubt that anyone would care, but the cock in question is a foreign gay cock, second only to Al-Qaeda cock as the most un-American and dangerous.

Quite frankly, if people want to see cock so badly that they'll sit through hours of iambic pentameter, then let them. I highly doubt that 12 year olds will take the time to see a Shakespearian play let alone get corrupted by one. If folks are so worried about children seeing naked older men then they should work at banning public swimming pool change rooms.

All this cock talk makes me think back to the years where I'd watch the French channel under the guise of improving my French Immersion learned French. I didn't understand a lot of what was being said, though I did see a lot of breasts and bums. A few cocks even. And I learned to love French Canadians.

We're so bloody uptight in English Canada. The other day I saw a clip on CBC where George Stroumboulopoulos (as long as I have a face, he'll always have a chair) called someone an asshole during his interview with Margaret Cho, but the CBC bleeped "asshole" out when she used it to refer to her own asshole. They also bleeped "pussy." Apparently a full-body asshole is acceptable, but an asshole-sized asshole is offensive.

God help us if Quebec separates. The only porn we'll be able to watch is a bunch of Alberta oil wells spurting.

I hope that English Canadian television doesn't become more like it's neighbours to the South. And I hope Americans start to worry about the true pricks on US television. Leave Sir Ian's prick alone.

Who doesn't like to SCORE?

2008-08-12T17:13:00.000-07:00

The day gay sports bars stop thinking that every gay man enjoys watching other men doing athletic, physical things on huge plasma screens is a day I hope I won't live to see.

Good news: it's the Summer Olympics right now. If you turn on your television, you'll most likely be greated by the following:

And of course my new boyfriend:

More good news: everyone's favourite sports bar on Davie - SCORE - is doubling their floor space and their patio.

Doubling can be fun. For example:

DoubleMint Gum

Double penetration

Double-o-seven (especially when played by:)

Everytime I see this Daniel Craig photo my brain flatlines. Which I'll take as a sign to stop writing for tonight. If you've got some time Wednesday night, come down to the new SCORE at 7pm. They're hosting a grand opening night and you should be there:

MEDIA ADVISORY/PHOTO OPPORTUNITY

Davie's only sport bar hosts grand opening to celebrate renovations, doubling their space and patio

SCORE on Davie is inviting the community to a grand re-opening party for the newest, best and only neighbourhood-inclusive sports bar in the West End.

SCORE on Davie (http://scoreondavie.com) has recently renovated the entire bar, and have taken over the old "Sandy's" space next door and created a separate room, which can increase the bar's capacity or can be closed off for private functions. This expansion has also doubled SCORE's patio space, letting patrons enjoy the summer weather on Davie.

SCORE is focused on sports, great food and friendly, personal service. The grand opening will be a huge event, with a VIPs preview featuring great entertainment, food, drink and giveaways. The public is invited at 7 pm for a big celebration with special guests and prizes.

WHAT: SCORE on Davie grand opening party

Free sports-themed tattoos
Sampling of new food menu and beverages
Live DJ
Prizes and giveaways

WHO: VIPs and community, Felions and Corona Girls, and anyone who's anyone in Davie Village

WHERE: SCORE on Davie

1262 Davie Street, Vancouver

WHEN: Wednesday, August 13, 2008

VIP reception 6-7 pm

General Public 7-9pm

Vancouver Queer Film Festival

2008-08-11T22:49:00.000-07:00

The Vancouver Queer Film Festival is celebrating its 20th anniversary this year and the shows begin this Thursday (Aug 14) at various cinemas around town. I've put in a few emails to the VQFF brass. I'm hoping to cover the festival and review movies here on Right Up Your Alley. I'll let you know what they say: yay or nay. There will be a story behind either answer, though I'm hoping VQFF Executive Director Drew Dennis will say yes to an interview and I can get some perspective on what's going to hit Vancouver over the next two weeks. Check out the staff bios here - judging by Drew's photo and bio, two words that come to mind are: "principled heartbreaker". Meow! That's a rarity in Vancouver, so maybe you should check out the festival and hell, you might as well volunteer and meet some new people while you're at it.

I'm not an extensive globe trotter but I have been to both Cuba and Thailand in the past two years. Unsurprisingly, two film selections this year are calling to me: Two Homelands: Cuba and the Night and Bangkok Love Story.

Here are the trailers:

I am so excited, I could just shit myself.

In other news, I opened up my blogmail this morning and a regular reader asked me to post the following:

I watched the feature length version countless times as a kid with my younger sister. Thanks, C, for sending this my way. It's the right sort of post-Pride chill out that I was looking for.

The Meat Street Beat

2008-08-10T19:26:00.000-07:00

So maybe "somebody" switched my normal gum with Nircorette. And maybe while writing my next column I chewed six pieces in rapid succession and then had a aggresive "encounter" in the laundry room of my temporary building (see earlier blogs - relationship over, now single, couch surfing is sexy) which ended with me dumping a bucket of water over someone else's clothes. Yes. Petty and vindicative 2008 is back. And guess what else? This has been going on all week - that soreness at the back of my throat that I've jokingly been referring to as throat gonnorhea - oh no, it's just Nicorette. Good times.

Onwards and upwards. Or in other Olympic-inspired words: Stronger, Faster, Gayer!

Check out this live performace:

Good song. If you've heard it and are tired of it, try to listen to songs "Beautiful Dirty Rich" or "Boys Boys Boys."

Lady GaGa is coming to Metro Vancouver - she's playing the Mirage on Aug 19th. Tickets are cheap ($20). I know - I'm thinking: Surrey? WTF? But I kinda want to go anyway.

For more information, check our www.clubvibes.com. Here's some promo from clubzone (where the tickets are $5 more):

LADY GAGA LIVE AT MIRAGE @ MIRAGE VANCOUVER BC

EVENT	LADY GAGA LIVE AT MIRAGE
TYPE	Vancouver Special
DRESS CODE	Dress to Impress
WHEN	Monday, August 18, 2008 8:00 PM - 2:00 AM
LOCATION	Mirage Vancouver BC, 15330 102A Avenue, Vancouver BC
MIN. AGE	19+
SHARE ON

BUY TICKETS

Prices are per person unless otherwise noted. Prices subject to change.

General Admission

$25

BUY NOW

EVENT DETAILS

Monday, August 18th
Lady GaGa Live
ALL tickets purchased for august 20th will be honoured at the door on the 18th!!

Stefani Germanotta (born March, 1986), better known by her stage name Lady GaGa, is a singer-songwriter dance-pop, electronica musician signed to Interscope Records. On April 8, 2008, she released her first single "Just Dance".

As a child Lady GaGa attended the Convent of the Sacred Heart School. Having learned piano by ear at the age of 4, Lady GaGa went on to write her first piano ballad at 13 and began performing at open mike nights by the age of 14. At the age of 17 she gained early admission to the Tisch School of the Arts at NYU, where she studied music. By age twenty she began writing songs for Interscope Records artists, such as the Pussycat Dolls, also she recently declared that she wrote two songs for the upcoming Britney Spears album. She performed at the Miss Universe 2008 pageant in Vietnam, singing her debut single, "Just Dance". On July 31, 2008, she performed "Just Dance" live on the results show of Fox's So You Think You Can Dance

Singlets ahoy...

2008-08-08T23:17:00.000-07:00

In one short hour, these Canadian boys are going to take the floor in Beijing. They better make it through qualifiers. There's a lot of buzz about Canada's team at least making bronze. There's even more buzz about Kyle Shewfelt - he was a gold medalist in Athens and I just have this feeling somewhere - a "twinge" if you will - that he may be part of the Gay Team too...

Somebody Call The Sodomobile: Paster Fred Phelps' Hate Gang Has Come To Canada

2008-08-07T18:04:00.000-07:00

Click on the cartoon and view it full size. If any one can find me a unicorn power t-shirt complete with fairy and roving gang of unicorn toughs, I would be eternally grateful. And by the way, could you send a couple shirts out to Toronto tonight?

Guess who's in Canada to protest the opening of The Pastor Phelps Project: A fundamentalist cabaret - Paster Fred Phelps' hate gang. Don't know who I'm talking about? Check out this Michael Moore clip:

You know what? I hope there are some serious protests from the community in Toronto, something along the lines of the Sodomobile. Something vocal and something loud. If I could be there to protest hate being preaching on Canadian soil, I would fly out tonight and be gay as the day is long: short shorts, PDA, Mariah Carey songs and sexy strech offs would definitely be in order.

If you have a chance to see the play they're protesting, go.

I hope it comes to Vancouver.

Playwright welcomes messages of hate

While protesters plan to picket show that mocks their church's anti-gay teachings, both sides embrace the extra publicity

ANTHONY REINHART AND MICHAEL POSNER

From Wednesday's Globe and Mail

August 6, 2008 at 5:33 AM EDT

On the streets of gay-friendly Toronto tomorrow night, one will be hard-pressed to find two groups more fundamentally at odds than those set to converge at Queen and Cameron Streets.

Outside the Cameron House tavern, one group will arrive to take in a stage show that satirizes the hard-line anti-gay teachings of Pastor Fred Phelps and his Kansas church, while another, comprised of seven members of Mr. Phelps's very flock, plans to greet them in protest.

Controversial as it all sounds, it could be a marriage made in heaven from a publicity perspective, as each side draws more attention to the other's message than either might receive on its own. Both sides acknowledged as much yesterday, in the lead-up to the opening of The Pastor Phelps Project: A fundamentalist cabaret.

"They've amplified my voice a millionfold," Alistair Newton, the play's writer and director, said yesterday, referring to Mr. Phelps's Westboro Baptist Church, a congregation known for protesting outside funerals and listed as a hate group by U.S. rights monitors.

Shirley Phelps-Roper, the pastor's 50-year-old daughter, was similarly candid. "Any publicity is good publicity, because all our job is, is to get the words out there," said Ms. Phelps-Roper, a mother of 11 whose daughter Megan plans to be among the protesters.

Those words, plastered to picket signs, will likely include "God Hates You" and "You're Going to Hell" and "God Hates Canada," in keeping with the Westboro congregation's belief in a God who is not especially preoccupied with benevolence and does not suffer sinners gladly.

However, the words contained in the church's infamous Internet address: http://www.godhatesfags.com, are unlikely to appear in Toronto, because of the group's apparent hatred of criminal prosecution under Canada's hate-speech laws.

"I don't think they're going to be quite gutsy enough to put the God Hates Fags sign in the air," Ms. Phelps-Roper said, because "they're really not going to do a whole lot of preaching to anyone if they're sitting in a jail cell."

Mr. Newton will deliver a decidedly different message to the Cameron House crowd as he kicks off an eight-performance run under the banner of the SummerWorks Festival, an annual juried festival of independent theatre and art.

Not only will The Pastor Phelps Project mock the church's anti-gay stand, but it will point out "the hypocrisy of the Christian and conservative right wing in North America" for remaining silent when Westboro members picketed funerals of AIDS victims, and objecting only when the church expanded its protests to funerals of soldiers killed in the Iraq war, which it opposes.

"Congress made it illegal to picket at military or state funerals; that irony possessed me to write the show," said Mr. Newton, 25.

As for the protest, the playwright said he welcomes it. "I'd like to engage them in a dialogue. I have the intellectual armour to deal with them."

He hopes no physical armour is required, not that he fears the church, which is known for its non-violent stand. Mr. Newton said he is far more concerned about the possibility of violence initiated by people protesting against the protesters.

On that point, Ms. Phelps-Roper agreed again. She said her group was attacked at a previous demonstration in Toronto, during gay-pride festivities in 1999.

Asked what the curious can expect to encounter outside the Cameron House tomorrow evening, she said "a group of kind-hearted, gentle souls standing on a public right-of-way with some placards ... to draw your mind to these issues of heaven and hell and eternity and God, and your duty to obey Him, and the consequences of not obeying Him."

And for that, Mr. Newton is grateful. Although some people had told him his show might serve only to give the church a voice, he said "the reverse has happened. They are empowering us, giving us publicity we would not otherwise have had."

Zima

2008-08-06T23:01:00.000-07:00

Lo and behold, I opened my vancouvergayblog@gmail.com account this morning and found this:

Oh loyal Right Up Your Alley readers. I love you so. I was told that this is not a drag queen. And I do believe my informant is correct. My eyes do not lie. Not as much as I'd like them to. Nor do they lie as much as they know they should. In any case, I'd like to take a walk down memory lane to a happier place in my life...

Once upon a time, when I was a boy, living on the cartoon veldt with Simba and my best friend Nala, King Mufasa's mystical hornbill advisor Zazu foretold that I would encounter one day in the distant future, a woman who had hunted and killed the elusive purple cheetah that once roamed the deserty plains beneath Pride Rock. "In the height of her bloodlust, she will skin it and make a bold shirt-dress to wear over Lindsay Lohan inspired leggings at Vancouver Pride, " said the mighty Zazu, before sipping his ice cold Zima zestily. "She will also skin a pack of Hubba Bubba and fashion herself a delicious purse."

Lady, in your lust for purple cheetah hide, you have forgotten who you are. If James Earl Jones was narrating the voice of your dead father, I shudder to think what he would say about all this.

What is the deal with animal print? Is it the straight woman's camoflauge? If that's the case, the only thing purple cheetah print blends into is a bad case of VD.

PS Did you forget about Zima? I didn't.

I'm waiting for the original cast of 90210 to run out from behind the camera and for Shannen Doherty to smash a bottle of "clear taste" against that blonde Zima model's face. Those were the days.

The Pride highs are high and the lows are low

2008-08-05T20:22:00.000-07:00

I walked past the Majestic on Sunday night on my way to Ginger 62, thinking that I would head back to the Majestic after dropping off some heteros in a hetero-homo nuetral space. I was surprised to see cops guarding the front door to the bar and the beer garden torn down.

But hey, when I was in my early twenties, I tried to pick fights with any guy who elected to hit on my boyfriend at the time. Hormones + me = crazy. I will not lie.

Anyway, I thought the cops were there because of a post-Pride parade brawl and nothing more. Testosterone. Liquor. It was a long hot day. And sometimes people get a little touchy feely during Pride. Sometimes people should really shake your hand when you say hello instead of shaking something else. I'm just saying.

So you can imagine my surprise when I found out my father had called last night to ask whether or not my sister or I had been attacked on Davie Street on Sunday. We hadn't, but it turned out the the Majestic GM Richard, was attacked while trying to protect other people from being victimized.

I had just briefly met Richard on Saturday afternoon, with a friend of mine who was recording Rapture, and Richard is not only intelligent, charming and driven, but also well-read and very easy on the eyes (check out his video interview here).

I hope everyone attacked is recovering all right. Even hearing this second hand makes me furious - we need more mental health facilities in the Lower Mainland and more shelters for homeless people. Something to consider when you vote for the new provincial government on May 12th.

For the record, the Majestic has the best beer garden during Pride. They have also relaunched their entertainment format and are quickly becoming recognized as one of the best clubs as well. I'll be posting some info on there upcoming events here on Right Up Your Alley and also in my column. Here's a blast from the past:

Here's the story from Sunday, as reported by the CBC:

Man arrested after hammer attacks during Vancouver Pride celebrations

Last Updated: Monday, August 4, 2008 | 10:02 PM ET Comments108 Recommend61

CBC News

A Vancouver man is in police custody following a series of violent attacks in the midst of otherwise peaceful gay pride celebrations in Vancouver Sunday.

Police say the incident began when the 31-year-old man was chased into the street by a shop owner after allegedly stealing a drink from a corner store on Davie St. in the West End around 10:30 p.m. PT. The owner of Tutti's convenience store, Reza Khalaj, said the man was wearing a black wig and black glasses and was carrying a hammer and a handgun.

He then allegedly began attacking people in nearby restaurants and bars with a hammer, beginning at the Majestic restaurant and lounge. Six people there were struck with the hammer, including one who was knocked unconscious.

"He ran to the Majestic, and he started hitting people with the hammer," Khalaj said. "I saw the black gun in his hand, and he started … just smashing the people with the hammer."

The man then moved on to a nearby restaurant patio, where he allegedly struck two women and a man. He also pointed an imitation handgun at a man who tried to subdue him, said Vancouver police Const. Jana McGuinness.

Nine people were taken to hospital with injuries, none of which appears to be life-threatening. The man faces 17 charges, including assault causing bodily harm, assault with a weapon, possession of a prohibited weapon and a count of theft under $5,000, police said.

The owner of Majestic, Vince Marino, said it was a terrible way to end an otherwise jubilant day.

"It was an amazing day," he said. "People were just enjoying [themselves]. It was probably one of the best Prides that we've had. And it's just been sort of a sad way to end it, a bit."

Two Majestic employees were among those injured in the attacks, Marino said.

Hundreds of thousands of people attended Vancouver's annual gay pride parade on Sunday.

The attack, however, does not appear to be the result of a hate crime, according to McGuiness.

"This is obviously a random, unpredictable, violent series of assaults," she said.

McGuiness said the man in custody has a history of mental illness and was already known to police.

Vancouver Pride Sunday

2008-08-04T17:14:00.000-07:00

Marching in the parade is something everyone should do--queer or straight--at least once in their lifetime. There wasn't a single part of the parade route that wasn't surrounded by people: 500,000 people if the rumours were correct. It sure felt like it. I was part of the Xtra West contigent, all of us decked out in sailor caps, sailing the streets of Vancouver in our boat float. Editor Robin Perelle and I were in charge of handing out "Blow Me" whistles (tough work, but I was just the man for the job). I made the people work for their Pride prize too: I was spanked by about 100 or so parade goers in exchange for whistles (my shout out to the lady at Beach and Nicola who licked her palm, pulled down my short shorts and gave me what I asked for and gave it to me hard - I love you, sweetheart, because you were 1 person in 500,000 that totally stood out to me). Take a look:

Congratulations to Mark from Xtra - he handled the float this year and did a wicki-wicked job. Thanks to everyone from Xtra who volunteered and helped untangle whistles, danced for the crowd and kept the show rolling.

Aside from breaking the float ten minutes into the parade (with a couple thousand witnesses watching my fuck up - how's that for pressure?) and almost getting run over by it three times, I'd still count the experience as a once-in-a-lifetimer. I also enjoyed the hecklers, who took the time to shout things like: "Fuck you sailor boy for not giving me a whistle." Where, you guessed it, the only appropriate thing I could say was "Blow me."

Here are some of my shots and some photos that my sister took from the Parade. Enjoy.

The lovely Natasha, in the parade mustering area:

Happy Pride Day to me:

And here's the parade:

I think this was the best float by far. It's a jungle out there!

And here's us:

I also checked out Ginger 62 that night. That is one beautiful bar and the service staff are fantastic. If you're looking for a place to take your straight friends, take them there.

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 1

2008-08-03T02:53:00.000-07:00

There's something to be said for private fireworks parties. Watching the Celebration of Light finale from the 20th floor of a highrise is something else. Models, PR reps, Actors, Glitterati...red hallways, sky high vodka. And if you haven't checked out the Majestic Patio yet, get down there tomorrow after the Parade. Richard and his staff are putting on one of the key Pride Vancouver experiences. Don't miss out.

Look for me tomorrow in the Parade. We're float #66. I'll be passing out a little something something. If you know what I mean. And I think you do. And I think you like it:

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 2

2008-08-02T04:58:00.000-07:00

Ghosts from the past...it was great seeing you tonight. And yes, Amanda, it would be wonderous if Keanu Reeves and Tara Reid got together and procreated. What a sexy union KT would make...on the flipside, who knows where the R-squared would take us. Well, let's be bold and hazard a guess:

If Ronald likes it, who are you to judge?

The Davie Street Party was a huge success. My sources tell me that next year might feature a multi-night extravanganza. So much twister, so little time. This year's finalists battling it out: for power, for prestige, for pride.

Despite the compelling posters in the background, my advice to these warriors would be to not let go.

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 3

2008-08-01T00:42:00.000-07:00

I'd like to dedicate this blog in memory of my friend Matt Davy who passed away last week. He was a well-known and well-respected figure in the Vancouver community. He DJ'd my first official go-go dancing gig two years ago and decided to fuck around with the other dancers and I by playing slow blues songs. Matt had a good sense of humour, the kind that really pissed me off at the time, though in hindsight, I'm sure we looked funny trying to do a slow sensual go-go, which was the point (and I'll be the first to admit that I frequently miss the point)

Here's a note from his Facebook memorial page:

There will be a Memorial service Saturday August 2 in Chilliwack, BC at Henderson's Funeral Home. Services start at 2:00PM. The address is as follows: 45901 Victoria Avenue,Chiliwack, BC. For more information call 1-800-282-3055.

There will also be an special event for folks here in Vancouver. I ♥ Matt Davy: A Celebration of Matt and Music on Monday, August 4th at the Anza Club, 3 – 8th Ave. West (off Ontario), in Vancouver from 7 PM to 12:00 Midnight.

Do not feel you need to arrive at 7 PM sharp as the evening will start with some mingling and reminiscing before the dance floor heats up. Please bring your dancing shoes as well as some of your favourite Matt Davy memories. (As this event is licensed, we are not able to admit minors. Please remember to bring your government ID.)

Sketch by Iain Gardner

* Make sure to check out the Davie Street Party tomorrow night - between Bute and Burrard from 7-midnight.

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 4 - for real

2008-07-31T21:10:00.001-07:00

is the only word I can use to describe the marvel that is Amanda Lapore, who put on a jawdropping show at Celebrities Wednesday night. She's one part Joan Rivers, one part Marlene Dietrich and one part something elese (what exactly, I'm not sure)

My Xtra West! column this week pondered dick slip versus nip slip...which is the greater tradgedy? Write me and tell me what you think. I'd love to hear.

I believe the look in my eyes is one part giddy, one part vodka redbull and one part fear.

Here's her Wiki bio:

Amanda Lepore (born Armand Lepore on December 5, year unknown) is an American transgender icon who has received attention for her modeling, fashion, partying, and business skills. She has been the advertising face for Heatherette, M.A.C. (cosmetics), Mego Jeans, Swatch, and more. Fashion design company Heatherette has used Lepore's image on much of their clothing and has chosen her several times to model their brand during Fashion Week. She had a cameo in the film Party Monster, directed by Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato. Lepore resides in New York City and works as a nightlife hostess at many of the city's popular parties and clubs. She has also had cameos in music videos for artists such as Elton John, the Dandy Warhols and Girl in a Coma.

Serving as David LaChapelle's muse, Lepore has been included in advertising campaigns for companies such as Armani and MTV. Lepore is also noted as a regular subject in much of LaChapelle's work. She participated in his Artists and Prostitutes 1985-2005 exhibit in New York where she "lived" in a voyeuristic life-sized set.

Now on to the rest of the night...I believe I talked up the lovely gay porn couple (the Jarics) quite a lot on this blog. When push came to shove, the Jaric boys had a "performance malfunction." My camera died, but that doesn't really matter because their show lasted for about ten minutes, which is just as long as a mediocre one night stand. Fitting that there were no photos. Trust me.

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 4...almost

2008-07-31T09:11:00.000-07:00

I never thought it would happen to me but I'm having some site problems and can't upload any media (photos/videos). I thought that my uploading problems would be gone this morning, but I think it's actually my computer. Please check back later. Failing no posting today, I promise two for Friday and blogs all weekend long.

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 5 (The Meat Street Beat Pt 2)

2008-07-29T23:23:00.000-07:00

Word to the wise: check out Celebrities this week. The theme is Adam and Steve. That's all I have to say. A guy named Joel and a man named Jimmy have decked the halls and decked them well. My friend Amanda and I also might have played a small role decorating/decor. Get on the dancefloor, look up and think of us. Maybe you should make a visit tomorrow night. The Jarics will be in town. Enough said.

I'm saving my energy tonight. In the meantime, I've been this listening to this:

Jerk It by Thunderheist. Got a feeling you'll hear it out sometime soon.

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 6/The Meat Street Beat

2008-07-28T22:53:00.000-07:00

I've spent a lot of time over the past two weeks wondering what sort of new fashion mutations are going to make an appearance next weekend at the Parade. Gold lame hip waders? Homespun rainbow lioncloths? Your guess is as good as mine. I do, however, promise here and now to high five anyone wearing the following:

What exactly is this? Hanes for her or Hanes for him? A pair of boxers? Briefs? A brassiere? A tanktop? A T-shirt? A Boxtop? A T-Brief? A shirtief?

Whatever. Take photos this week people. You know where to send them: vancouvergayblog@gmail.com.

Here's a little love from Canada's own Tu. I love these girls and love this song. I've been waiting for a remix to hit the clubs, waiting, waiting. If you're game, make one and I'll post it on Right Up Your Alley and see if I can get you some exposure here in Vancouver. And hell, if I see anyone wearing a zebra print skirt-suit this week, their prize will be a guest spot here on RUAP. And if I see the Tu twins wearing matching yellow raincoat dresses, we will have to elope and make glorious gay pride test-tube babies that we can raise to be cruel pop starlets who will, in turn, rule the Canadian music scene for decades to come.

If you can't take it, skip the video to the one minute mark and watch from there. As my blog counterpart in Toronto puts it: Hotarious.

Never heard about Tu? Here's some background from their unofficial website:

Welcome to Unofficially Tú, a site dedicated to 80's Canadian pop vocalists Amanda & Cassandra Di Blassi.

Inspired by the cantonese word for art, twins Amanda and Casandra DiBlasi founded Tú in the mid 80's, after being discovered by producer and former Red Rider keyboard player Steve Sexton when they appeared as extras in a music video.

Regulars in the Toronto studio scene by age 15, the twins had graduated from the Royal Conservatory Of Music and had already appeared in numerous television commercials when they started writing and recording their self titled debut in 1986 with Platinum Blonde producer Bruce Barrow, to whom they were introduced by Steve Sexton.

Released in late 1987 with RCA/BMG Music Canada, the formerly titled "Siamese Kiss" album yielded two singles, the first single being top ten hit "Stay With Me", which peaked at the 8th position in November that year. A second single, "The Language Of Love" was released in the first months of the following year, resulting in additional sales of Tú and more tour dates through-out Canada.

In 1988, the twins left RCA/BMG Music Canada and embarked on their second album, with a new label - CBS Records. Also produced by Bruce Barrow, "Secrets In The Dark" was released the following year with two moderately successful singles ; "I Used To Cry" and "Stop Breaking My Heart". This was unfortunately their last album.

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 9, 8 & 7

2008-07-27T11:44:00.000-07:00

My original plans to blog every day of these pre-Pride weeks, were interupted by a split from my three year partner (sad but necessary) and the death of a good friend's best friend. This Pride's already been a rollercoaster and we are just meeting the one week gaydown mark today. With all the bad out of the way, I'm expending nothing except good times from this point on. Maybe I'll film my exploits this week and call the doc: How Sean Got His Gay Back (starring me as a sassy ofttimes inebriated twenty-something with all the wrong things to say, a penchant for monosyllabic grunting and passion for short shorts that cannot--nay: will not--ever be quenched!)

Okay. Enough of that. Now for the good stuff: while out doing my duties for Xtra West over the weekend, I saw more cops this weekend than Ive seen the entire three years I've lived in Vancouver. And I'm happy to report that the stache is back with the fine men (and women) of our law force.

The motorcycle cops were riding in pairs, up and down West End streets, dumping liquor, searching bags, sometimes arresting the hobos, nobos and gentlemen loafers who haunt our fine alley ways. My newly single thoughts turned, of course, to CHIPs reruns and that devil-may-care Officer Francis 'Ponch' Poncherello and his lusty yet trusty sidekick Officer Jonathan Baker.
Let's take a closer look at Poncherello:

Bienvenue indeed! Where can I gets me some of those satin sheets, Erik Estrada? You know how to get in touch with me. I'm all ears, hermoso. ¡DIME!

North Vancouver also had some Latin action this weekend with its annual Caribbean Days Festival. With all the dancehall anti-gay homo-bashing headlines in the papers nowadays, I wasn't expecting to find a big gay presence.

Newsflash: there wasn't one.

But I like dancehall and I like dancehall MCs who know their shit and can rock a crowd. Vancouver's own Third Eye Tribe put on a show. These three should be signed to a label and playing arenas. They remind me of the old Black Eyed Peas pre-Fergie. Find Third Eye Tribe's CD, go to their live shows. The female MC killed it. Here's a sample - I was too busy listening to get a video from a stronger song:

Here's the finale from last night's fireworks show. The crowd liked Canada's show on Wednesday better.

And guess what? My new boyfriend just won the Roger's Cup in Toronto? If you don't know Rafael Nadal or follow tennis, maybe you should do your homework. He's on his way to number one...weeeeeooooooo!
And here's some love from me to you. Who likes the Skytrain? Anyone? Anyone?

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 10 days

2008-07-25T01:21:00.000-07:00

Oh my G-string! Terry Costa along with James and the boys at Celebrities know how to put on a kick-ass show. Tonight's finale of Vancouver's Next Go Go Boy Star was not to be missed. Sergio stole the show and truly deserves his newfound star status (and hey, Sergio, if you're reading this, thanks for the love. That Xtra! West exclusive photo of you and me will probably be in Pride issue).

I decided to bust out my point-and-shoot and cover tonight's event for Right Up Your Alley. Your winner, Vancouver, is smoldering up the right-hand side of this pic:
And here's my pick/pic of the night:

And as far as routines go, this guy won my heart over with his:

Mad love for any man who can channel Mariah Carey and is thoughtful enough to bring a grab-bag full of racing flags for his audience. He was the only dancer who strip-teased...the crowd favourite by far. Click here for more information on the finale. It should be updated by the end of day Friday.

And yes, I have been waiting and waiting to get a Mariah Carey reference on here and am glad my first MC plug is for that forgotten gem, 2001's "Loverboy":

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 11 days

2008-07-23T23:05:00.000-07:00

HSBC's Festival of Lights...Rumour had it in the crowd that the theme of tonight's display was Godzilla. Others said it was attack-by-sea. I saw neither, but in my defense, I turn to the wisdom that is Madonna: opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.

In any case, it's was Canada's big night out. Canuck pyrotechnics for a Canuck crowd. Forget, for a minute, the ooos and ahhs, the explosive conclusions and the bight-night sky. This year's theme for Vancouver Pride, briefly, is 30 years of the rainbow. I love that our city's fireworks display coincide with Vancouver Pride. If you're looking for a rainbow, look no further than English Bay. If you missed out, check out the next fireworks night on July 26.

Here's a video donated by a loyal Right Up Your Alley viewer...let me tell you, the commentary and recording techniques fit hand-in-hand. Turn up your speakers and make sure to either turn your head or turn your laptop:

Reminder: tomorrow night is the grand finale of Vancouver's search for the next hottest go-go dancer at Celebrities. Terry Costa and his team at Mirateca are promising a kick-ass show. Here are the finalists:

For more info, visit http://www.gogoboystar.com. See ya there.

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: P-minus 12 days

2008-07-22T21:47:00.000-07:00

One day into my Pride Gaydown and I've got some bad news that's bumping back my planned pride-based blogging in favour of an obit/tribute to the marvelousness that was Estelle Getty in her role as Sophia Petrillo on Golden Girls:

If you haven't heard, she died today. Here's a quality obit from the folks at Yahoo if you want to learn more about her struggles/accomplishments as an actor.

I watched Golden Girls religiously as a child with my younger sister. Coincidence that I turned out gay? You be the judge.

Anyway, in light of the Estelle Getty news, rayon caftans in saucy safari prints, oversized straw purses and Bea Arthur's husky baritone haunted my daydreams all day long. And as usual, the mere thought of Bea Arthur led me to hope that time travel will some day be possible so that I can go back in time and become a writer for Golden Girls, thereby changing history so scenes in the show featured a lot more peeing, either implied via the closed bathroom door, or actual peeing, like Oprah in the movie Beloved.

And on that note, I give you video clips. Here's one of my all-time favourites...and bonus! subtitles in a language I don't recognize:

And for all those who fail to capitalize on dick o'clock:

And for the legshavers...

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: P-minus 13 days

2008-07-21T23:59:00.000-07:00

Seeing as there's less than two weeks to go until the best parade of the year rolls through the West End, methinks it's time to start a countdown. Not just any countdown. No no. This isn't your standard weekend MuchMusic fare with shiny pg-12 banter from those sexless Toronto robots CHUM employs to brainwash Canadian youth into buying tens and tens of Sam Roberts records every year. Nor will this countdown take a page from the Cape Canaveral rocket launches of yesteryear, though I imagine there will be blastoffs of one kind or another every night for the next 13 days. (Reminder to check out the fireworks on Wed July 31)

This is a gay countdown. Or in other words: the gaydown.

And what better way to kick off summer excess than with excess' favourite poster girl.

Is she straight? Is she gay? Does anyone even care?

My sister sent me this photo a few days ago and I thought, perfect, finally Lindsay Lohan is wearing something that I can relate to: a Pride flag dipped in sparkles. And look at that hemline! It's short enough to make Dame Edna Everage clear her throat, straighten her glasses and purr: "I'm trying to find a word to describe what you're wearing, darling... affordable!"

I would like to take this opportunity to applaud Lindsay's new lady friend for encouraging Lindsay to throw caution to the wind (so to speak) and let the rainbow take her where it may.

Well-gayed, Lindsay Lohan. Well-gayed indeed.

The Meat Street Beat - Je Veux Te Voir

2008-07-20T22:58:00.000-07:00

Truth be told, like many other Canadians living on the West Coast, I don't speak a lick of French. When I was presented with a myriad of linguistic choices in highschool, before making a decision, my mind naturally latched on to the following pop culture icons:

Thanks to the dimpled-miracle that is Mario Lopez, I decided to study Spanish. And my love of all things latino has continued on, long and strong, to this very day.

There are times, however, that I wish I had learned the other official language of our country. Last week, while I was writing a couple of fashion articles for Xtra! West, a friend suggested I check out Yelle's "Je Veux Te Voir" and I haven't been the same since. The first 40 seconds of the video is like a Walmart commercial on crack.

I have it on good authority that the song title translates to "I want to see you" in English. To my endless sorrow, I do not understand anything else, though still find myself loving Yelle and her synth-heavy know-how. Her short shorts are short, her hair is bobbed and her beats make me feel like I just rolled out of bed in the middle of a sexy Parisian discotheque. Je l'aime...tres fort!

Meet the Jarics

2008-07-18T00:20:00.000-07:00

Much like the last posting, I've been biding my time on tonight's special. Today, Xtra! West's Pride Guide hit the newstands today across Metro Vancouver. If you haven't grabbed a copy, do it tomorrow. It's your guide for Pride: before, during and after...and I've got a couple features in there and a couple photos. The Pride Guide itself features my first Xtra! assignment: interviewing the Jarics. They sent me a ton of XXX private photos that didn't make the Pride Guide (or this blog for that matter...want some copies? Write me!). I've posted the article/interview after my fave PG-17 pics below. This is my way of wishing y'all a great weekend. Enjoy:

If this interests you, maybe you should come see their live show at Celebrities.

Aden.

Jordan.

Meet the Jarics

Are porn stars the new rock star?

Summer tours, huge crowds of loyal fans and live sex shows are proof of the jaw-dropping popularity true porn stars can achieve. They don’t get much hotter than married gay couple Aden and Jordan Jaric, who are taking the stage Jul 30 at Celebrities.

These two Californians have the type of sex appeal that will make any pink-blooded man stop, drop and drool, and put on a live show that is guaranteed to make both your eyes and your jeans fly pop.

Here’s what they had to say to Xtra! West about their newfound fame:

What’s the one thing our readers need to know about your show?

We’re best friends as well as lovers and just about anything goes between the two of us. Last time we were at Celebrities, we did a couple of illegal things...and we loved every second of it!!!

What’s life like on tour?

Most of our fans message us on MySpace before we even arrive and let us know how excited they are that were coming in town. In addition to that we love to meet new people and see new places, so it works out perfect for us as a couple.

How do you keep your fans happy?

We have signed body parts, we have danced for them, we have sold our underwear (unwashed at their request), and sent autographed pictures to home addresses. Nothing too dirty, but we’re all about the fun!

I hear some adult models occasionally hire themselves out as escorts. Is this true? Have you two considered this and would you consider doing it on tour?

We are not escorts. That’s every stars own personal business and we don't even ask others in the industry that question. We have had offers, but none that sparked our interest.

Are you still monogamous?

Honestly we do not and will never have SEX with anyone else. But we like to involve another friend/cutie for some fun as long as sex is not involved and understood. It rarely happens, but to be completely honest, it has.

What advice do you have for guys who want to get in to porn?

Ask the people around you if they would accept the lifestyle. Be cautious of the world around you and stay grounded.

What the fuck were they thinking?

2008-07-16T23:07:00.000-07:00

Photo credit: me.

Please note, my photographic hallmarks include: graininess and no sense of focus.

Listen. I've been sitting on this photo for a couple months now and it's been eating me up (ha ha) inside. Since I've promised to keep the identities of the subjects in these photos secret, including celebrities, I encourage you to go ahead and fall in love with my gimp photo editing. Look at those black-bar identity blockers. They're hot.

Now don't get me wrong. I love [insert musical artist name here] and thought her Vancouver concert was the second best I've ever seen (top honours go to Madge's Confessions Tour in Madison Square Gardens). And when [insert musical artist name here] called for the boys to come dance on the stage, I knew she was calling me and would tolerate the other 53 yahoos that got up on stage as long as I was there to rock it out and keep everyone real. Still, this picture makes me feel funny...and not in the climbing-the-rope-in-gym-class kinda way.

Apparently [insert musical artist name here] likes to dress up as a giant yellow watermelon and garnish herself with a tin-foil crown (of the christmas cracker variety). Or maybe she decided to Trick-or-Treat her own concert (while she was singing, what can I get for $10? my thoughts turned to the obvious). Who am I to judge? Well, for starters, we can all learn something from the giant fist in this picture. It is just about to beat some fashion sense into her...and I, for one, applaud its knuckly panache and punchy know-how.

Hot in the City - Vancouver's Next Go-Go Boy Star

2008-07-15T22:51:00.000-07:00

In these few scant weeks before Vancouver Pride, it makes sense that there is a new city-wide contest featuring scantily clad guys competing to see who is the best booty shaker in all of Vancouverdom. Check it out:

Despite the fact that the dancers in this video appear to be headless, they have nice bodies. I mean really, who doesn't like staring at disembodied torsos writhing about to Donna Summer? Show me a man that doesn't like watching go-go dancing and I will tell that man to smarten the fuck up and enjoy himself...or else.

I am planning on attending both nights at Celebrities to see if any of the headless dancers in the video posted above are, in fact, contestants. That my friends, would be a freaky deaky show worth blogging about.

Here's the write up from www.gogoboystar.com:

DJ ZACH SHORE joins the team as the official DJ for both nights: July 17 and July 24th, while Vancouver's Next Gay Top Model winner, Aaron Ursacki hosts the finale on the 24th. It is all happening at Celebrities Nightclub and the doors open at 9pm. www.celebritiesnightclub.com $10 tickets now available at Little Sister's Bookstore.

PRIZE: All contestants will receive IQONIQ wear. The winner will receive a trip to New York City, a professional photoshoot from local photographer David Sandford and the opportunity to sign a $5000 contract to dance at Celebrities Nightclub.

All about...

Energy, vigor, galore, pizzazz, performance and strength in body, mind and soul are some of the qualities the judges will be looking for in the contestants. And, of course, a go-go dancer is expected to animate to any music available at their disposal.

Go-Go dancers are dancers who are employed to entertain at a club. Go-go dancing originated in the early 1960s when women at the Peppermint Lounge in New York City began to get up on tables and dance the twist. There were many 1960s-era miniskirt club goers who wore what came to be called go-go boots to night clubs; club promoters in the mid 1960s conceived the idea of hiring them to entertain the patrons.

Many Gay clubs had male go-go dancers, called go-go boys, during the period 1965-1968. After that, few gay clubs had go-go dancers until performance art dancer John Sex, and his python Delilah, made go-go dancing popular again at gay/bisexual clubs in the mid 80s. John Sex performed at many NYC legendary clubs including Andy Warhol’s Underground, organized the Go-Go Stars float for the NYC Pride Parade in 1986 and was a hit until his last performance at club Mars in 1989 when his breath was taken away by AIDS. Go-go dancing became fashionable again at gay clubs, and has remained so ever since.

Manorexia...this summer's hottest trend?

2008-07-14T16:31:00.000-07:00

From Marc Anthony to Carson Daly, this year's new masculine couture is taking a page from the women's fashions of yesteryear. I personally don't enjoy this latest fad, as I like to eat ribs, not see them exposed on a shirtless guy at the beach. After all, I am only human and the time will come when I will no longer be able to resist my urge to play a ribcage like a xylophone.

My personal opinions aside, the headlines this month proclaim that manorexia has claimed yet another hapless hetero: John Mayer.

Sure, he's not really a gay icon. That said, I often doubt he is actually, in fact, human. I have long since surmised that those crazy genetic scientists at Columbia/Sony BMG cooked him up in a test tube by splicing the following:

Oh, John Mayer, you're the only celebrity I know of that would sign a piece of trash. Though I suspect Pamela Anderson would also do as much for her "fans".

For years, Mayer's non-offensive blend of blues-rock musings and boy-next-door good looks have left me feeling...well...like I'm watching a bag of Wonderbread dry-out on my kitchen counter. But then there was that delightful guest appearance on Chappelle's Show. And then the tattoos. And then Jessica Simpson. And then the marvellous romantic hybrid that is Anistayer or Johniffer or some other clever mash-up of names that escapes me right now.

So, whatever his dietary choices may be, whether it's a cup of dust or a McRib sandwich, I've decided that I like the guy and have decided to include him on my list of things that get better with age. I've been a fan ever since he lightened up my spring with:

Look at those legs. Look at those pubes. Look at that...is he stuffing?

Where the fuck can I get one of these?

Lastly: John Mayer, if I ever see you wearing the Borat-sling in person, you've won the right to teabag me...I'm all yours, baby! Ughn!

The Meat Street Beat

2008-07-13T22:57:00.000-07:00

Here's some new music to kick off your week. 2008 has been heralded as the year of "come backs" - Grace Jones has been busy cooking up some love that's set to drop later this summer and (apparently) so has Cher.

I like Cyndi's new song and hope to hear it out in the bars. In spirit of the True Colours tour that came through Vancouver (and broke a few hearts), take some time to take a listen to Into the Nightlife:

And if you want to see the label version, click here. YouTube has a feature that disables me from posting direct links to certain music videos some times. Apparently YouTube is not the cheap whore I've always thought it to be.

It's worth your time to watch the label version...Cyndi is HOT. Though maybe that's because she's standing in front of a gigantic hypnotic swirl, which is compelling weak-willed men like myself to listen/watch/buy her music again and again and again and again...

What the fuck were they thinking?

2008-07-10T23:24:00.000-07:00

I love clothes and I love wearing clothes and I love looking at other people wearing clothes. I also like looking at people wearing no clothes at all, but I'll save that for another blog feature (which will be coming soon to Right Up Your Alley). I should point out that I've made a couple attempts at modeling, but alas, the camera doesn't love me the way it should or the way it would if I could seduce it with 15% of my earning potential or threaten it Tonya Harding-style with two hired thugs and a club. Should've I put out on the casting couch back when I was a young, curly-haired know-it-all back in 2002? The answer is yes. I could've at least made it into a Sears catalogue and made tens of tens of dollars hawking Wrangler jeans and Hanes ribbed shirts.

Some people say those who can't do, criticize. I hate those people. They are usually the ones who wear Teva sandals year round, often with socks and/or think running shoes are appropriate attire for every social situation.

In light of all this, think of my What the fuck were they thinking? features as my attempt to rectify a long string of broken dreams and shattered hopes. Instead of staring blankly at you from a cologne ad in Details, I'm frittering away my time taking photos of people wearing things that that should never see the light of day. It's like What Not To Wear meets Candid Camera, I hope you enjoy...

Lastly, this is not about shame or hate. It's public service. So make sure to send me photos of outfits that make you wonder...(insert drum roll here)...What the fuck were they thinking?
I love the blazer, love the elbow patches and would steal this guy's man bag if theft was legal and I regularly sported man bags. I want it to be known here and now that I also love pink in all its shades and hues - it is a saucy colour and adds much needed pizazz to men's fashion. In fact, here's how I feel about pink things:

Pink things that I like: pink wigs, pink grapefruit (mmm), Breast Cancer Awareness Ribbons, Pink Floyd, neon pink signs and pink polo shirts with a popped collar.

Pink things that I don’t like: plastic pink flamingos, the singer Pink, the movie Pinkville (stupid Oliver Stone going on strike while I was in Thailand and it was filming in Thailand – I was supposed to have a one-liner opposite Woody Harrelson. The part was mine, bitches! MINE!), pet pigs, these shorts.

I'm glad we're back to the shorts. You'll notice, as I noticed, that they are far far too loose in the posterior caboose. They also have saddle-bag inspired side pockets practically bursting with personal items that could have been stored in the man bag. It is like his top half is going for a dirty gin martini and a cigar at Delilah's and his bottom half is about to tell Lady Miss Kier that the groove really is in the heart. The sad part is that this outfit is almost there. Almost.

Dick O'Clock

2008-07-09T23:54:00.000-07:00

So here's some news - barely a week into blogging and Right Up Your Alley is already getting some internet buzz. I've always been a fan of Queer Two Cents - sassitude and queer content masterminded by a fellow Canuck. Sound too good to be true? My friends, it's realler than Jennifer Lopez circa 2001. Here's an excerpt from one of QTC's recent posts. I have a massive heart on for Margaret Cho. She knows her gay...and gays know dick o'clock.

Queer Two Cents posts:

Margaret Cho: the phenomenon of dick o'clock

Margaret Cho writes:
... Most fag hags agree that the best times they’ve ever had were at gay bars, sharing precious moments with their fags, drinking lovely pink cocktails and dancing and laughing the night away. Until it becomes “dick o’clock.” You know what time that is, don’t you? It is when all the gay men in the club simultaneously start looking for dick. It happens all at once, usually around midnight or 1 a.m., generally earlier on the West Coast. I am not sure how it starts... READ MORE

Is So You Think You Can Dance's "Mary Murphy" actually the The Evil Lord of Destruction in disguise?

2008-07-08T22:40:00.000-07:00

I have a dirty secret...I've fallen in love (significant pause) with another reality show. Poppin' dance routines. Hot dancers. Judges who remind me of American Idol judges, but actually have interesting things to say.

We've been holding weekly parties (yes this reeks of Survivor-mania a la 2001, shame shame on me and my friends) and although I spend most of my time hoping that hot Joshua's clothes "accidentally" fall off on stage, I've recently found myself falling in love (significant pause) with Skeletor in one of his most crazy disguises yet:

Do not be fooled by "Mary Murphy"'s apparent dance expertise or repeated references to a hotties-only "Hot Tamale Train." It's all a clever ruse. Despite the clever front, this so called "Mary Murphy" is clearly planning to capture Castle Grayskull and learn its ancient secrets, which would make "Mary Murphy" unstoppable, with enough power to conquer and rule all of Eternia.

Don't believe me? Check it out for yourself:

High camp, baby. Now compare that clip to the following Skeletor video (click here). It's your turn to be the judge.

The Meat Street Beat

2008-07-07T23:01:00.000-07:00

Oh it's hot...The Faya Combo Sessions have changed my summer. Courtesy of the marvelous Amanda G, who introduced DJ Gregory to yours truly just a few short weeks ago, I offer you a sample of some of the best house I've heard in...oh...let's say the past five years. These groundbreaking house tracks are the stereo-ready addition to any party you plan to throw over the next few months.

This is what his MySpace page has to say:

Defected Presents Faya Combo Sessions Mixed by DJ Gregory

‘Faya Combo’ translates to English as ‘Oh It’s Hot!’ – and if you’ve ever heard any of Gregory’s tracks you’ll know this is accurate! Elle, Attend 1, Tropical Soundclash – if you know anything about house music you’ll know that these are just some of the landmark House tracks brought to you by one of France’s finest house producers . This album showcases all of his classics alongside remixes from today’s heavyweight producers and new exclusive Gregory cuts across 3 Cds.

DJ Gregory is one super-cool player, highly intelligent, passionate about music and more than a little bit crazy, this producer holds great respect from all heavy hitters in the dance music community.

His DJ sets are unmissable and he has an army of fans that follow him wherever he performs. Never selling out and always wary of commercial crossovers this is a

person who has absorbed all the various cultures around him and reproduced them in his highly individual House sound. From Paris, to New York, London and Tokyo, he travelled the globe to hone his production and DJ techniques and absorbed everything that House had to offer.

He has been regarded as the king of the afro beat scene with his highly percussive traces that feature many African, West Indian and Caribbean flavours. His biggest production, "Elle" has touched every house DJ that has heard it and became an instant classic. It is a permanent fixture in most of their record boxes.

Gregory was one of the first pioneering house producers that was invited by Bob Sinclair to become part of the legendary Africanism project; a project that embraced the percussive riffs and flavour of Africa and translated them into energetic house tracks.

However the success he enjoyed here made him realise he could do bigger things with his own label.

"After Africanism, I wanted to do exactly my own shit, I wanted to release my stuff, I wanted to be on my own also not to be under someone else's record company."

My favourite track is "Sookoos" - take the time to check it out.

Pride in the Word

2008-07-06T21:57:00.000-07:00

Pride fever hit sunny Victoria this past weekend. Parades, dances, the festival at Fisherman's Wharf. If you've never been, it's worth checking out next year. And as with every Pride (doesn't matter which city I'm in it seems), I managed to loose a broad assortment of things: five dollars, my irrational fear of gold lamé, a sock, and (as usual) my dignity.

For the second year running, I was invited to read at Pride in the Word. Check it out:

Yes, yes. Not only am I a blogger and columnist, but also a poet and capitalized on this opportunity to unveil my new fashion poems. Throngs of rabid literary queers showed up in packs, ravenous for queer content and ribald stories. Fans even lined up before the doors opened at 7pm. I'd like to give a shout out to Billeh, Amber Dawn, Mette, Hiromi, Steven and Arleen. They delivered by rocking the mic, then rocking the mic right.

This is Chris (left) and Arleen (right). Arleen (as I just mentioned) was one of the featured authors. From the looks of this photo, I imagine these two spend their weekends frolicking in wild flowers with golden retriever puppies. Aren't they the cutest thing ever?? I LOVE them.
Now for the bad news/loss of dignity: I was heckled. Me. Heckled. HECKLED AT A PRIDE EVENT! What is this world coming to? And guess what it was over? The name of this blog. A female member in the front row of the audience decided to tell me I was a misogynist. Apparently the delicious double entendre that is Right Up Your Alley is not as obvious or mirth-inducing as I initially assumed. And while I was apologizing for making gender assumptions, she told me to "quit while I was ahead." You can find the aforementioned heckler in the following photo, on the far left:
Okay I take that back. I cannot confirm (or deny) that the woman in question was Laurie Metcalf/Jackie from Roseanne, but if it was you, Laurie - here is a Mister Manners tip about literary readings:

If you have a problem with a performer, talk to them when the reading is over. It's the polite thing to do.

And to paraphrase the words of the MC for our event: "Everyone has an asshole. It's the one thing we all have in common."

Hot in the City - 25 Live Tour

2008-07-05T01:26:00.000-07:00

You know who was in town tonight doing you know what at GM Place. I went as part of the Xtra! West press contingent, but can't scoop myself here too badly as I'm writing a full proper article for print in two weeks or so (social columnist by day, blogger by night). But let's just say that George Michael can join Patrick Stewart on my "things that get better with age" list.

As a woman named Sally pointed out during the intermission: "I want to nail him in my love coffin."

25 live = 25 years of performing. If you want to read more about it, click here. That's almost as long as I've been alive, so I gotta give the guy some blog love right here. In fact, every time he came to my side of the stage, I waved with one hand while pointing at myself with the other. Maybe I did some Ricky Martin-inspired hip moves too. Quit judging me.

No video postings from the Vancouver concert online yet, but here's the encore from Phoenix:

Patrick Stewart + Rod Stewart = ?

2008-07-03T23:50:00.000-07:00

Some things get better with age: tobacco, port wine and 70s porn are a few things that come to mind. Recently I've decided Patrick Stewart belongs on that list.

Damn that Saucy Patrick Stewart! Though this video got me thinking. If Patty Cakes and Hot Rod had a love child, what would she look like?

Food for thought.

Back Alley Fabulosity

2008-07-02T21:09:00.000-07:00

It's officially summer in Vancouver. How can I tell? I threw a bag of trash in the dumpster this morning, schlepped over to London Drugs and ten minutes later when I came back to my building, someone was ripping apart my garbage in the back alley. Mmm. Junkalicious. There was definitely something zen about watching used dental floss (my used dental floss) drift down towards English Bay in the oh-so-soothing summer breeze.

Anyway, this is day two of what I'm beginning to call Dumpstergate. It's a scandal a minute back there, people. Yesterday, while waiting in a truck out back, some friends and I watched a man (you guessed it) ripping open garbage bags, discover a can of hairspray, spray his hair, "scrunch" his curls in and then scream: What the f%#k are you looking at?

A Happy Canada Day to you, sir. And for the record: we were looking at you.

Traumatic? Not really. Yet hardcore enough that I dreamed about it all last night, though strangely enough, instead of looking like this:
My dream dumpster diver looked more like this:

(PS I joke because I love you, Chris Farley. I kid I kid...However, I'm not joking with you, torn-shirt guy with a killer body and a penchant for "distressed" underwear. You better come back and visit my dream dumpster tonight...or else)

Happy Canada Gay!

2008-07-01T23:26:00.001-07:00

Vancouver's first gay blog? And it's Canada Day? Reliable sources tell me that our nation's finest made an appearance at Toronto Pride. The man. The head honcho. The Harpermeister. I love this guy. Okay, it's been a hot week in Vancouver and I might be feeling it right here, but for your viewing pleasure, this is what our proud sisters boxed on mean streets of the big smoke. They had an arts and crafts session, cranked out a papier-mâché effigy, held a boxing match...and what you see is what you get. Can you blame them? I'm giving an "ughn!" followed up by an "ughn-ughn!" and a couple wet dreams that the Stephen Harper doll will be this summer's hottest accessory. From far and wide, Oh Stephen Harper, we stand on guard for thee...

Right Up Your Alley: Vancouver's gay blog

Dude, where's my blog?

Vancouver Fringe Festival Review One - PUTZ

Internet dating, Meg "Picasso Face" Ryan and Lurid Digs

Hot in the City vs Meat Street Beat (The Chemical Brothers)

SEPTEMBER 3RD, 2008

DOWNTOWN DRIVE-IN

Update: Tuesday post fixed

Man cleavage

Tuesday Hotness - Marc Bartolomeo

No telephone and no internet make Sean something-something...

Douche Cologne/Ten things I hate about U-haul

Brenda Dickson: "Give yourself a chest camel toe by lifting nuts and bolts to your chin!"

The Lion, the Witch and the Whoredrobe....

"So, that's a jack fruit ghost, right?"

Tuesday Hotness

Olympics 2008: Hits and Misses

Homofication: Adam Van Koeverden vs Adam Kreek...with a little Breaux Greer thrown in just because I love you

Homofication: Adam Van Koeverden - come on, say his surname out loud...it sounds a lot like...

Homofication: Is Alexandre Despatie gay?

Vancouver's Prim Reaper speaks: "Has Manhunt Destroyed Gay Culture?"

Tuesday Hotness: Jared Connaughton

Vancouver Queer Film Festival - Bangkok Love Story

We all know what comes out of a one-way alley...

Queerywood

"Leave Sir Ian McKellen's cock alone"

Who doesn't like to SCORE?

Vancouver Queer Film Festival

The Meat Street Beat

Singlets ahoy...

Somebody Call The Sodomobile: Paster Fred Phelps' Hate Gang Has Come To Canada

While protesters plan to picket show that mocks their church's anti-gay teachings, both sides embrace the extra publicity

Zima

The Pride highs are high and the lows are low

Man arrested after hammer attacks during Vancouver Pride celebrations

Last Updated: Monday, August 4, 2008 | 10:02 PM ET Comments108Recommend61

CBC News

Vancouver Pride Sunday

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 1

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 2

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 3

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 4 - for real

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 4...almost

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 5 (The Meat Street Beat Pt 2)

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 6/The Meat Street Beat

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 9, 8 & 7

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 10 days

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 11 days

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: P-minus 12 days

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: P-minus 13 days

The Meat Street Beat - Je Veux Te Voir

Meet the Jarics

What the fuck were they thinking?

Hot in the City - Vancouver's Next Go-Go Boy Star

Manorexia...this summer's hottest trend?

The Meat Street Beat

What the fuck were they thinking?

Dick O'Clock

Margaret Cho: the phenomenon of dick o'clock

Is So You Think You Can Dance's "Mary Murphy" actually the The Evil Lord of Destruction in disguise?

The Meat Street Beat

Pride in the Word

Hot in the City - 25 Live Tour

Patrick Stewart + Rod Stewart = ?

Back Alley Fabulosity

Happy Canada Gay!

Last Updated: Monday, August 4, 2008 | 10:02 PM ET Comments108 Recommend61