So here's a sorry state of affairs...The big move didn't go as well as we hoped. Although my sister and I are now in a new pad off Davie St (now with 50% more gay!), we don't have internet and or telephone service as Virgin Mobile is not all that it's cracked up to be.
Tragic yes and this internet cafe is even more tragic. Which is why I am quickly going to post a video to tide you over until I can post a full Tuesday Hotness blog tomorrow when my internet service is back up and running. Check back later in the day. Hope you all enjoyed your weekend, Labour-free.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Douche Cologne/Ten things I hate about U-haul
Before we delve deeper into the brotherhood of the traveling douche, I would like to proclaim that I hate U-haul. And no, it's not just some trivial dislike of mine blown out of proportion due to a fit of frivolity. Nay, kind reader. I repeat: nay.
After many years of hijinx ($19.95 vans turning into $369.82 vans, pick up locations in Chilliwack, drop off locations in hell, etc), the shit teeth collective at U-haul command-control-centre (perhaps located in U-tah?) sent my sister and I to an abandoned, boarded up building in the middle of Nowheresville, Vancouver Island to pick up a truck.
Here's a surprise: there was no truck there.
Here's another surprise: Client Relations Manager "Zariak" (no surname, which means he more akin to Jesus and Cher, than mere mortals like you and I) told me a real zinger on the phone after I called 1-800-NO-BALLS. He told me, "There's nothing I can do for you."
Well, "Zariak", why the fuck do you have a job then?
"There's nothing I can do for you" is something I would expect from:
1) Celine Dion (who also has no balls)
2) Lamb-Chop (who has neither balls nor a spine)
3) Bad jokes about spousal abuse (which take balls and often involve not the fun kind, but that other kind of beating)
Anyway, I won't get into the other things I hate about U-haul (the name, the hyphen in the name, the shorthand convenience of the name, the font, its u-move monopoly here in Canada, the vehicle checks, the orange everything...you get the idea)
Okay so I did get into it, but here's the real blog for today:
You may have noticed the resurgence of douchebag in popular culture. Sure, when John Mayer wears a douchebag shirt, it's whimsical and poignant and delightful in all the ways it should be. However, when you actually meet a douchebag, they are none of these things.
Don't know what a douchebag is and are too lazy to click on the hyperlinks above? You're my kind of people. Watch this instead!
After many years of hijinx ($19.95 vans turning into $369.82 vans, pick up locations in Chilliwack, drop off locations in hell, etc), the shit teeth collective at U-haul command-control-centre (perhaps located in U-tah?) sent my sister and I to an abandoned, boarded up building in the middle of Nowheresville, Vancouver Island to pick up a truck.
Here's a surprise: there was no truck there.
Here's another surprise: Client Relations Manager "Zariak" (no surname, which means he more akin to Jesus and Cher, than mere mortals like you and I) told me a real zinger on the phone after I called 1-800-NO-BALLS. He told me, "There's nothing I can do for you."
Well, "Zariak", why the fuck do you have a job then?
"There's nothing I can do for you" is something I would expect from:1) Celine Dion (who also has no balls)
2) Lamb-Chop (who has neither balls nor a spine)
3) Bad jokes about spousal abuse (which take balls and often involve not the fun kind, but that other kind of beating)
Anyway, I won't get into the other things I hate about U-haul (the name, the hyphen in the name, the shorthand convenience of the name, the font, its u-move monopoly here in Canada, the vehicle checks, the orange everything...you get the idea)Okay so I did get into it, but here's the real blog for today:
You may have noticed the resurgence of douchebag in popular culture. Sure, when John Mayer wears a douchebag shirt, it's whimsical and poignant and delightful in all the ways it should be. However, when you actually meet a douchebag, they are none of these things.
Don't know what a douchebag is and are too lazy to click on the hyperlinks above? You're my kind of people. Watch this instead!
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Thursday, August 28, 2008
Brenda Dickson: "Give yourself a chest camel toe by lifting nuts and bolts to your chin!"
Welcome to my home...I'm Brenda Dickson. You may remember me from such soap operas as The Young and the Restless...oh wait, that's the only thing you'll remember me from because I didn't have a career beyond that.
Fact: If you get skinny enough, you'll look like a lollipop...nice big head...stick body...that's the goal, isn't it?
Thanks to comedian Deven Green for posting these on YouTube. Here are the rest of the spoofs:
And here's the original:
Enjoy.
Fact: If you get skinny enough, you'll look like a lollipop...nice big head...stick body...that's the goal, isn't it?
Thanks to comedian Deven Green for posting these on YouTube. Here are the rest of the spoofs:
And here's the original:
Enjoy.
The Lion, the Witch and the Whoredrobe....
Before eternal winter set in upon the land of Narnia, I imagine the following gentleman caller enjoyed long midnight dances, sexy hunting parties, feasting, and treasure trail seeking.
His many likes include lampposts, fauns, nymphs, dryads, Red Dwarfs, wayward British children disguised as messiahs, and talking animals, especially Mr. and Mrs. Beaver.
His dislikes include Turkish Delight, long walks through the snowy forest, anal fisting and being turned into stone.
Don't let his come-hither smile and whimsical dress fool you. It is Mr. Tumnus in a disguise. In a shocking role reversal, he has left Narnia for the red-carpet pleasures of MTV. I, for one, don't want anything to do with him. Back into the closet..er, "wardobe"...with you foul he-beast.
In other news, the Vancouver Queer Film Festival announced its winners. If my own ramblings about queer film didn't convince you of its relevance and importance to all things queer, check out this official press release (note: I didn't receive this until Tuesday, Aug 26) -
His many likes include lampposts, fauns, nymphs, dryads, Red Dwarfs, wayward British children disguised as messiahs, and talking animals, especially Mr. and Mrs. Beaver.
His dislikes include Turkish Delight, long walks through the snowy forest, anal fisting and being turned into stone.
Don't let his come-hither smile and whimsical dress fool you. It is Mr. Tumnus in a disguise. In a shocking role reversal, he has left Narnia for the red-carpet pleasures of MTV. I, for one, don't want anything to do with him. Back into the closet..er, "wardobe"...with you foul he-beast.In other news, the Vancouver Queer Film Festival announced its winners. If my own ramblings about queer film didn't convince you of its relevance and importance to all things queer, check out this official press release (note: I didn't receive this until Tuesday, Aug 26) -
MEDIA RELEASE
Media Contact: Robin Perrin
t. 604.844.1615 | robin@outonscreen.com
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
20th Anniversary Vancouver Queer Film Festival
Unveils Award Winners at Closing Gala
Vancouver, BC (August 25, 2008) - At last night's Closing Gala Ceremonies the 20th Anniversary Vancouver Queer Film Festival announced the winners of the Vancity enviro Visa People's Choice Award for Best Feature, the OUT tv Hot Pink Shorts Award - both chosen by audience members during the 11 day festival - and the Gerry Brunet Memorial Award, selected by a jury of artists and film curators.
The visually stunning musical Were the World Mine by director Tom Gustafson took the People's Choice Award for Best Feature. The film tells the tale of high school student Timothy, prone to escaping his dismal reality through dazzling musical daydreams, and his discovery of a love potion that turns much of his narrow-minded town gay. Were the World Mine is Gustafson's feature directorial debut and was screened as part of the Vancouver Queer Film Festival's youth focus program. The film proved so popular that a third screening was added during the festival. Vancity enviro Visa generously provides the $1500 prize for the audience's choice for best feature film.
Local filmmaker Claudia Morgado Escanilla took home the festival's first Out tv Hot Pink Shorts Award for her charming film, No Bikini. Based on a story by Ivan E Coyote, the film is about a seven year old who decides to go without her bikini top at a summer camp, with surprising results. The film was screened twice during the festival, once as part of the KinderKino family program and again at the annual The Coast is Queer program. OUT tv provides the $750 prize for the audience's choice for best short film.
The jurors for the Gerry Brunet Memorial Award had a difficult time selecting a winner from among the worthy entries this year, an indication of the quality of the short films the festival now screens. In the end the prize went to two deserving films: Hirsute by AJ Bond and Writing the Land by Kevin Lee Burton. Hirsute features a time-travelling scientist who encounters his future self while Writing the Land offers a meticulous study of language and landscape. Claudia Morgado's No Bikini received honourable mention from the jury. The Gerry Brunet Memorial Award is awarded for the best short film or video by a British Columbian director and is given in recognition of Gerry Brunet, a lifelong contributor to arts organizations and an early Board member of Out On Screen. The award is worth $1500 ($500 cash and $1000 in production services courtesy of Technicolor).
In addition to the annual festival film awards, last night interdisciplinary artist, writer and activist Laiwan was the proud recipient of the Vancouver Queer Film Festival's 20th Anniversary Award. The award, a $2000 prize, was presented to Laiwan in recognition of her contribution to queer media in BC over the past two decades. Laiwan's multi-media exhibition LOOSE WORK was at the OR Gallery during the festival.
20 Years: Looking Back with Pride, Looking Ahead with Hope and Anticipation
While the final numbers are not yet in, all indications are that this year's 11 day festival was the most successful to date. Not only were the films well attended, but the numerous panels, workshops and performances drew record participation. As Vancouver's second largest film festival, the Vancouver Queer Film Festival continues to grow in scope and size.
The festival opened with the heart warming film from South Korea, Like a Virgin, and featured an additional gala film in honour of the 20th Anniversary, a special screening of Aerlyn Weissman's Little Sister's vs, Big Brother. The Queer History Project saw its second commissioned film premiere at the festival with Rex vs. Singh, the story of the trial of two Sikh mill workers accused of sodomy a year following the 1914 Komagata Maru incident. The highly anticipated film by Ali Kazimi, Richard Fung and John Greyson generated interest from the public, community groups as well as national and international media. Fittingly, the Queer History Project website was also launched during this year's festival. The interactive website is intended to be a place where the Vancouver queer community can create, explore and share its history. See www.queerhistoryproject.com
Other festival highlights include the festival's artist in residence Coral Short and her Wolves on Parade performances, Aerlyn Weissman's words of wisdom at her masterclass on Oral History and Living Memory and the steamy Hot Mix at Friction. The festival closed with the screening of the award winning Argentine film XXY. Filmgoers, filmmakers and performance artists gathered for a final celebration at the Closing Gala party at Celebrities.
Out On Screen's Executive Director, Drew Dennis, commented on the significance of the 20th anniversary festival. "This anniversary has given us an opportunity to recognize how far we've come, both as a festival and as a community. It has also inspired and motivated us to work even harder over the next 20 years. Milestones like this make you realize that tomorrow's legacies are being created today." And as for next year's festival, Dennis promises that "while it's going to be hard to top this year's, we always manage to be inspired. Stay tuned for more surprises in August 2009."
For more information please visit our website: queerfilmfestival.ca
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
"So, that's a jack fruit ghost, right?"
Sylvania, Transylvania, Transvestite, Hot Tranny Mess...I can see the brainstorming session behind this commercial. It's one part Thai folk story and one part shameless commercial cash-grab with some sexy sexploitation thrown in for good measure (take a gander at Tall Ghost, who is packing heat in that loincloth. Reeeeeeear! See you on the casting couch, gigantor...)
And because I can't resist the sweet siren call that is Juliette Lewis and the Licks, here's a MSTRKRFT remix for your weekly Meat Street Beat:
And because I can't resist the sweet siren call that is Juliette Lewis and the Licks, here's a MSTRKRFT remix for your weekly Meat Street Beat:
Monday, August 25, 2008
Tuesday Hotness
So there's been a lot of talk recently about how this blog has gotten "too literary" which I've decided to translate into "less talk, more rock" and/or "shut up and get to the point."
I'm not made of time people and neither are you. If you want short I will give you short, so let's cut to the chase. I have a thing for guys named Sean - it's something to do with calling out Sean in certain situations and my name being Sean and the delicious sexy identity crisis that ensues thereafter.
Here's the original Sean for your Tuesday hotness (if you're looking for something a little more naked, feel free to check out last weeks homofication series here, here and especially that Breaux Greer here.)
I'm not made of time people and neither are you. If you want short I will give you short, so let's cut to the chase. I have a thing for guys named Sean - it's something to do with calling out Sean in certain situations and my name being Sean and the delicious sexy identity crisis that ensues thereafter.
Here's the original Sean for your Tuesday hotness (if you're looking for something a little more naked, feel free to check out last weeks homofication series here, here and especially that Breaux Greer here.)
Olympics 2008: Hits and Misses
The Vancouver Queer Film Festival is now officially over. The final screening (XXY) was one of the most brilliant movies I've seen in the last five years. Get your hands on a copy and watch it.
The end of the VQFF also marked the end of the 2008 Olympics. Congratulations to all of my homofication candidates. You will surely haunt my dreams for months to come. And to all the Canadian Olympians: thanks for putting on a wicki-wicked show.
Here's some of the best of the worst of the best photos from the Games. If you'd like to see more, click here.
And this last shot in the spirit of Saturday's Raunchorama - which almost made me puke a record four (4) times during its 1.5 hour course.
The end of the VQFF also marked the end of the 2008 Olympics. Congratulations to all of my homofication candidates. You will surely haunt my dreams for months to come. And to all the Canadian Olympians: thanks for putting on a wicki-wicked show.
Here's some of the best of the worst of the best photos from the Games. If you'd like to see more, click here.
And this last shot in the spirit of Saturday's Raunchorama - which almost made me puke a record four (4) times during its 1.5 hour course.
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