Thursday, July 31, 2008

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 4 - for real

is the only word I can use to describe the marvel that is Amanda Lapore, who put on a jawdropping show at Celebrities Wednesday night. She's one part Joan Rivers, one part Marlene Dietrich and one part something elese (what exactly, I'm not sure)

My Xtra West! column this week pondered dick slip versus nip slip...which is the greater tradgedy? Write me and tell me what you think. I'd love to hear.

I believe the look in my eyes is one part giddy, one part vodka redbull and one part fear.

Here's her Wiki bio:

Amanda Lepore (born Armand Lepore on December 5, year unknown) is an American transgender icon who has received attention for her modeling, fashion, partying, and business skills. She has been the advertising face for Heatherette, M.A.C. (cosmetics), Mego Jeans, Swatch, and more. Fashion design company Heatherette has used Lepore's image on much of their clothing and has chosen her several times to model their brand during Fashion Week. She had a cameo in the film Party Monster, directed by Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato. Lepore resides in New York City and works as a nightlife hostess at many of the city's popular parties and clubs. She has also had cameos in music videos for artists such as Elton John, the Dandy Warhols and Girl in a Coma.

Serving as David LaChapelle's muse, Lepore has been included in advertising campaigns for companies such as Armani and MTV. Lepore is also noted as a regular subject in much of LaChapelle's work. She participated in his Artists and Prostitutes 1985-2005 exhibit in New York where she "lived" in a voyeuristic life-sized set.

Now on to the rest of the night...I believe I talked up the lovely gay porn couple (the Jarics) quite a lot on this blog. When push came to shove, the Jaric boys had a "performance malfunction." My camera died, but that doesn't really matter because their show lasted for about ten minutes, which is just as long as a mediocre one night stand. Fitting that there were no photos. Trust me.

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 4...almost

I never thought it would happen to me but I'm having some site problems and can't upload any media (photos/videos). I thought that my uploading problems would be gone this morning, but I think it's actually my computer. Please check back later. Failing no posting today, I promise two for Friday and blogs all weekend long.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 5 (The Meat Street Beat Pt 2)

Word to the wise: check out Celebrities this week. The theme is Adam and Steve. That's all I have to say. A guy named Joel and a man named Jimmy have decked the halls and decked them well. My friend Amanda and I also might have played a small role decorating/decor. Get on the dancefloor, look up and think of us. Maybe you should make a visit tomorrow night. The Jarics will be in town. Enough said.

I'm saving my energy tonight. In the meantime, I've been this listening to this:

Jerk It by Thunderheist. Got a feeling you'll hear it out sometime soon.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 6/The Meat Street Beat

I've spent a lot of time over the past two weeks wondering what sort of new fashion mutations are going to make an appearance next weekend at the Parade. Gold lame hip waders? Homespun rainbow lioncloths? Your guess is as good as mine. I do, however, promise here and now to high five anyone wearing the following:

What exactly is this? Hanes for her or Hanes for him? A pair of boxers? Briefs? A brassiere? A tanktop? A T-shirt? A Boxtop? A T-Brief? A shirtief?

Whatever. Take photos this week people. You know where to send them:

Here's a little love from Canada's own Tu. I love these girls and love this song. I've been waiting for a remix to hit the clubs, waiting, waiting. If you're game, make one and I'll post it on Right Up Your Alley and see if I can get you some exposure here in Vancouver. And hell, if I see anyone wearing a zebra print skirt-suit this week, their prize will be a guest spot here on RUAP. And if I see the Tu twins wearing matching yellow raincoat dresses, we will have to elope and make glorious gay pride test-tube babies that we can raise to be cruel pop starlets who will, in turn, rule the Canadian music scene for decades to come.

If you can't take it, skip the video to the one minute mark and watch from there. As my blog counterpart in Toronto puts it: Hotarious.

Never heard about Tu? Here's some background from their unofficial website:

Welcome to Unofficially Tú, a site dedicated to 80's Canadian pop vocalists Amanda & Cassandra Di Blassi.

Inspired by the cantonese word for art, twins Amanda and Casandra DiBlasi founded Tú in the mid 80's, after being discovered by producer and former Red Rider keyboard player Steve Sexton when they appeared as extras in a music video.

Regulars in the Toronto studio scene by age 15, the twins had graduated from the Royal Conservatory Of Music and had already appeared in numerous television commercials when they started writing and recording their self titled debut in 1986 with Platinum Blonde producer Bruce Barrow, to whom they were introduced by Steve Sexton.

Released in late 1987 with RCA/BMG Music Canada, the formerly titled "Siamese Kiss" album yielded two singles, the first single being top ten hit "Stay With Me", which peaked at the 8th position in November that year. A second single, "The Language Of Love" was released in the first months of the following year, resulting in additional sales of Tú and more tour dates through-out Canada.

In 1988, the twins left RCA/BMG Music Canada and embarked on their second album, with a new label - CBS Records. Also produced by Bruce Barrow, "Secrets In The Dark" was released the following year with two moderately successful singles ; "I Used To Cry" and "Stop Breaking My Heart". This was unfortunately their last album.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 9, 8 & 7

My original plans to blog every day of these pre-Pride weeks, were interupted by a split from my three year partner (sad but necessary) and the death of a good friend's best friend. This Pride's already been a rollercoaster and we are just meeting the one week gaydown mark today. With all the bad out of the way, I'm expending nothing except good times from this point on. Maybe I'll film my exploits this week and call the doc: How Sean Got His Gay Back (starring me as a sassy ofttimes inebriated twenty-something with all the wrong things to say, a penchant for monosyllabic grunting and passion for short shorts that cannot--nay: will not--ever be quenched!)

Okay. Enough of that. Now for the good stuff: while out doing my duties for Xtra West over the weekend, I saw more cops this weekend than Ive seen the entire three years I've lived in Vancouver. And I'm happy to report that the stache is back with the fine men (and women) of our law force.

The motorcycle cops were riding in pairs, up and down West End streets, dumping liquor, searching bags, sometimes arresting the hobos, nobos and gentlemen loafers who haunt our fine alley ways. My newly single thoughts turned, of course, to CHIPs reruns and that devil-may-care Officer Francis 'Ponch' Poncherello and his lusty yet trusty sidekick Officer Jonathan Baker.
Let's take a closer look at Poncherello:

Bienvenue indeed! Where can I gets me some of those satin sheets, Erik Estrada? You know how to get in touch with me. I'm all ears, hermoso. ¡DIME!

North Vancouver also had some Latin action this weekend with its annual Caribbean Days Festival. With all the dancehall anti-gay homo-bashing headlines in the papers nowadays, I wasn't expecting to find a big gay presence.

Newsflash: there wasn't one.

But I like dancehall and I like dancehall MCs who know their shit and can rock a crowd. Vancouver's own Third Eye Tribe put on a show. These three should be signed to a label and playing arenas. They remind me of the old Black Eyed Peas pre-Fergie. Find Third Eye Tribe's CD, go to their live shows. The female MC killed it. Here's a sample - I was too busy listening to get a video from a stronger song:

Here's the finale from last night's fireworks show. The crowd liked Canada's show on Wednesday better.

And guess what? My new boyfriend just won the Roger's Cup in Toronto? If you don't know Rafael Nadal or follow tennis, maybe you should do your homework. He's on his way to number one...weeeeeooooooo!
And here's some love from me to you. Who likes the Skytrain? Anyone? Anyone?

Friday, July 25, 2008

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 10 days

Oh my G-string! Terry Costa along with James and the boys at Celebrities know how to put on a kick-ass show. Tonight's finale of Vancouver's Next Go Go Boy Star was not to be missed. Sergio stole the show and truly deserves his newfound star status (and hey, Sergio, if you're reading this, thanks for the love. That Xtra! West exclusive photo of you and me will probably be in Pride issue).

I decided to bust out my point-and-shoot and cover tonight's event for Right Up Your Alley. Your winner, Vancouver, is smoldering up the right-hand side of this pic:
And here's my pick/pic of the night:

And as far as routines go, this guy won my heart over with his:

Mad love for any man who can channel Mariah Carey and is thoughtful enough to bring a grab-bag full of racing flags for his audience. He was the only dancer who strip-teased...the crowd favourite by far. Click here for more information on the finale. It should be updated by the end of day Friday.

And yes, I have been waiting and waiting to get a Mariah Carey reference on here and am glad my first MC plug is for that forgotten gem, 2001's "Loverboy":

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: T-minus 11 days

HSBC's Festival of Lights...Rumour had it in the crowd that the theme of tonight's display was Godzilla. Others said it was attack-by-sea. I saw neither, but in my defense, I turn to the wisdom that is Madonna: opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.

In any case, it's was Canada's big night out. Canuck pyrotechnics for a Canuck crowd. Forget, for a minute, the ooos and ahhs, the explosive conclusions and the bight-night sky. This year's theme for Vancouver Pride, briefly, is 30 years of the rainbow. I love that our city's fireworks display coincide with Vancouver Pride. If you're looking for a rainbow, look no further than English Bay. If you missed out, check out the next fireworks night on July 26.

Here's a video donated by a loyal Right Up Your Alley viewer...let me tell you, the commentary and recording techniques fit hand-in-hand. Turn up your speakers and make sure to either turn your head or turn your laptop:

Reminder: tomorrow night is the grand finale of Vancouver's search for the next hottest go-go dancer at Celebrities. Terry Costa and his team at Mirateca are promising a kick-ass show. Here are the finalists:

For more info, visit See ya there.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: P-minus 12 days

One day into my Pride Gaydown and I've got some bad news that's bumping back my planned pride-based blogging in favour of an obit/tribute to the marvelousness that was Estelle Getty in her role as Sophia Petrillo on Golden Girls:

If you haven't heard, she died today. Here's a quality obit from the folks at Yahoo if you want to learn more about her struggles/accomplishments as an actor.

I watched Golden Girls religiously as a child with my younger sister. Coincidence that I turned out gay? You be the judge.

Anyway, in light of the Estelle Getty news, rayon caftans in saucy safari prints, oversized straw purses and Bea Arthur's husky baritone haunted my daydreams all day long. And as usual, the mere thought of Bea Arthur led me to hope that time travel will some day be possible so that I can go back in time and become a writer for Golden Girls, thereby changing history so scenes in the show featured a lot more peeing, either implied via the closed bathroom door, or actual peeing, like Oprah in the movie Beloved.

And on that note, I give you video clips. Here's one of my all-time favourites...and bonus! subtitles in a language I don't recognize:

And for all those who fail to capitalize on dick o'clock:

And for the legshavers...

Monday, July 21, 2008

Vancouver Pride Gaydown: P-minus 13 days

Seeing as there's less than two weeks to go until the best parade of the year rolls through the West End, methinks it's time to start a countdown. Not just any countdown. No no. This isn't your standard weekend MuchMusic fare with shiny pg-12 banter from those sexless Toronto robots CHUM employs to brainwash Canadian youth into buying tens and tens of Sam Roberts records every year. Nor will this countdown take a page from the Cape Canaveral rocket launches of yesteryear, though I imagine there will be blastoffs of one kind or another every night for the next 13 days. (Reminder to check out the fireworks on Wed July 31)

This is a gay countdown. Or in other words: the gaydown.

And what better way to kick off summer excess than with excess' favourite poster girl.

Is she straight? Is she gay? Does anyone even care?

My sister sent me this photo a few days ago and I thought, perfect, finally Lindsay Lohan is wearing something that I can relate to: a Pride flag dipped in sparkles. And look at that hemline! It's short enough to make Dame Edna Everage clear her throat, straighten her glasses and purr: "I'm trying to find a word to describe what you're wearing, darling... affordable!"

I would like to take this opportunity to applaud Lindsay's new lady friend for encouraging Lindsay to throw caution to the wind (so to speak) and let the rainbow take her where it may.

Well-gayed, Lindsay Lohan. Well-gayed indeed.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

The Meat Street Beat - Je Veux Te Voir

Truth be told, like many other Canadians living on the West Coast, I don't speak a lick of French. When I was presented with a myriad of linguistic choices in highschool, before making a decision, my mind naturally latched on to the following pop culture icons:

Thanks to the dimpled-miracle that is Mario Lopez, I decided to study Spanish. And my love of all things latino has continued on, long and strong, to this very day.

There are times, however, that I wish I had learned the other official language of our country. Last week, while I was writing a couple of fashion articles for Xtra! West, a friend suggested I check out Yelle's "Je Veux Te Voir" and I haven't been the same since. The first 40 seconds of the video is like a Walmart commercial on crack.

I have it on good authority that the song title translates to "I want to see you" in English. To my endless sorrow, I do not understand anything else, though still find myself loving Yelle and her synth-heavy know-how. Her short shorts are short, her hair is bobbed and her beats make me feel like I just rolled out of bed in the middle of a sexy Parisian discotheque. Je l'aime...tres fort!

Friday, July 18, 2008

Meet the Jarics

Much like the last posting, I've been biding my time on tonight's special. Today, Xtra! West's Pride Guide hit the newstands today across Metro Vancouver. If you haven't grabbed a copy, do it tomorrow. It's your guide for Pride: before, during and after...and I've got a couple features in there and a couple photos. The Pride Guide itself features my first Xtra! assignment: interviewing the Jarics. They sent me a ton of XXX private photos that didn't make the Pride Guide (or this blog for that matter...want some copies? Write me!). I've posted the article/interview after my fave PG-17 pics below. This is my way of wishing y'all a great weekend. Enjoy:

If this interests you, maybe you should come see their live show at Celebrities.



Meet the Jarics

Are porn stars the new rock star?

Summer tours, huge crowds of loyal fans and live sex shows are proof of the jaw-dropping popularity true porn stars can achieve. They don’t get much hotter than married gay couple Aden and Jordan Jaric, who are taking the stage Jul 30 at Celebrities.

These two Californians have the type of sex appeal that will make any pink-blooded man stop, drop and drool, and put on a live show that is guaranteed to make both your eyes and your jeans fly pop.

Here’s what they had to say to Xtra! West about their newfound fame:

What’s the one thing our readers need to know about your show?

We’re best friends as well as lovers and just about anything goes between the two of us. Last time we were at Celebrities, we did a couple of illegal things...and we loved every second of it!!!

What’s life like on tour?

Most of our fans message us on MySpace before we even arrive and let us know how excited they are that were coming in town. In addition to that we love to meet new people and see new places, so it works out perfect for us as a couple.

How do you keep your fans happy?

We have signed body parts, we have danced for them, we have sold our underwear (unwashed at their request), and sent autographed pictures to home addresses. Nothing too dirty, but we’re all about the fun!

I hear some adult models occasionally hire themselves out as escorts. Is this true? Have you two considered this and would you consider doing it on tour?

We are not escorts. That’s every stars own personal business and we don't even ask others in the industry that question. We have had offers, but none that sparked our interest.

Are you still monogamous?

Honestly we do not and will never have SEX with anyone else. But we like to involve another friend/cutie for some fun as long as sex is not involved and understood. It rarely happens, but to be completely honest, it has.

What advice do you have for guys who want to get in to porn?

Ask the people around you if they would accept the lifestyle. Be cautious of the world around you and stay grounded.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

What the fuck were they thinking?

Photo credit: me.

Please note, my photographic hallmarks include: graininess and no sense of focus.

Listen. I've been sitting on this photo for a couple months now and it's been eating me up (ha ha) inside. Since I've promised to keep the identities of the subjects in these photos secret, including celebrities, I encourage you to go ahead and fall in love with my gimp photo editing. Look at those black-bar identity blockers. They're hot.

Now don't get me wrong. I love [insert musical artist name here] and thought her Vancouver concert was the second best I've ever seen (top honours go to Madge's Confessions Tour in Madison Square Gardens). And when [insert musical artist name here] called for the boys to come dance on the stage, I knew she was calling me and would tolerate the other 53 yahoos that got up on stage as long as I was there to rock it out and keep everyone real. Still, this picture makes me feel funny...and not in the climbing-the-rope-in-gym-class kinda way.

Apparently [insert musical artist name here] likes to dress up as a giant yellow watermelon and garnish herself with a tin-foil crown (of the christmas cracker variety). Or maybe she decided to Trick-or-Treat her own concert (while she was singing, what can I get for $10? my thoughts turned to the obvious). Who am I to judge? Well, for starters, we can all learn something from the giant fist in this picture. It is just about to beat some fashion sense into her...and I, for one, applaud its knuckly panache and punchy know-how.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Hot in the City - Vancouver's Next Go-Go Boy Star

In these few scant weeks before Vancouver Pride, it makes sense that there is a new city-wide contest featuring scantily clad guys competing to see who is the best booty shaker in all of Vancouverdom. Check it out:

Despite the fact that the dancers in this video appear to be headless, they have nice bodies. I mean really, who doesn't like staring at disembodied torsos writhing about to Donna Summer? Show me a man that doesn't like watching go-go dancing and I will tell that man to smarten the fuck up and enjoy himself...or else.

I am planning on attending both nights at Celebrities to see if any of the headless dancers in the video posted above are, in fact, contestants. That my friends, would be a freaky deaky show worth blogging about.

Here's the write up from

DJ ZACH SHORE joins the team as the official DJ for both nights: July 17 and July 24th, while Vancouver's Next Gay Top Model winner, Aaron Ursacki hosts the finale on the 24th. It is all happening at Celebrities Nightclub and the doors open at 9pm. $10 tickets now available at Little Sister's Bookstore.

PRIZE: All contestants will receive IQONIQ wear. The winner will receive a trip to New York City, a professional photoshoot from local photographer David Sandford and the opportunity to sign a $5000 contract to dance at Celebrities Nightclub.

All about...
Energy, vigor, galore, pizzazz, performance and strength in body, mind and soul are some of the qualities the judges will be looking for in the contestants. And, of course, a go-go dancer is expected to animate to any music available at their disposal.
Go-Go dancers are dancers who are employed to entertain at a club. Go-go dancing originated in the early 1960s when women at the Peppermint Lounge in New York City began to get up on tables and dance the twist. There were many 1960s-era miniskirt club goers who wore what came to be called go-go boots to night clubs; club promoters in the mid 1960s conceived the idea of hiring them to entertain the patrons.
Many Gay clubs had male go-go dancers, called go-go boys, during the period 1965-1968. After that, few gay clubs had go-go dancers until performance art dancer John Sex, and his python Delilah, made go-go dancing popular again at gay/bisexual clubs in the mid 80s. John Sex performed at many NYC legendary clubs including Andy Warhol’s Underground, organized the Go-Go Stars float for the NYC Pride Parade in 1986 and was a hit until his last performance at club Mars in 1989 when his breath was taken away by AIDS. Go-go dancing became fashionable again at gay clubs, and has remained so ever since.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Manorexia...this summer's hottest trend?

From Marc Anthony to Carson Daly, this year's new masculine couture is taking a page from the women's fashions of yesteryear. I personally don't enjoy this latest fad, as I like to eat ribs, not see them exposed on a shirtless guy at the beach. After all, I am only human and the time will come when I will no longer be able to resist my urge to play a ribcage like a xylophone.

My personal opinions aside, the headlines this month proclaim that manorexia has claimed yet another hapless hetero: John Mayer.

Sure, he's not really a gay icon. That said, I often doubt he is actually, in fact, human. I have long since surmised that those crazy genetic scientists at Columbia/Sony BMG cooked him up in a test tube by splicing the following:



Oh, John Mayer, you're the only celebrity I know of that would sign a piece of trash. Though I suspect Pamela Anderson would also do as much for her "fans".

For years, Mayer's non-offensive blend of blues-rock musings and boy-next-door good looks have left me I'm watching a bag of Wonderbread dry-out on my kitchen counter. But then there was that delightful guest appearance on Chappelle's Show. And then the tattoos. And then Jessica Simpson. And then the marvellous romantic hybrid that is Anistayer or Johniffer or some other clever mash-up of names that escapes me right now.

So, whatever his dietary choices may be, whether it's a cup of dust or a McRib sandwich, I've decided that I like the guy and have decided to include him on my list of things that get better with age. I've been a fan ever since he lightened up my spring with:

Look at those legs. Look at those pubes. Look at he stuffing?

Where the fuck can I get one of these?

Lastly: John Mayer, if I ever see you wearing the Borat-sling in person, you've won the right to teabag me...I'm all yours, baby! Ughn!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

The Meat Street Beat

Here's some new music to kick off your week. 2008 has been heralded as the year of "come backs" - Grace Jones has been busy cooking up some love that's set to drop later this summer and (apparently) so has Cher.

I like Cyndi's new song and hope to hear it out in the bars. In spirit of the True Colours tour that came through Vancouver (and broke a few hearts), take some time to take a listen to Into the Nightlife:

And if you want to see the label version, click here. YouTube has a feature that disables me from posting direct links to certain music videos some times. Apparently YouTube is not the cheap whore I've always thought it to be.

It's worth your time to watch the label version...Cyndi is HOT. Though maybe that's because she's standing in front of a gigantic hypnotic swirl, which is compelling weak-willed men like myself to listen/watch/buy her music again and again and again and again...

Thursday, July 10, 2008

What the fuck were they thinking?

I love clothes and I love wearing clothes and I love looking at other people wearing clothes. I also like looking at people wearing no clothes at all, but I'll save that for another blog feature (which will be coming soon to Right Up Your Alley). I should point out that I've made a couple attempts at modeling, but alas, the camera doesn't love me the way it should or the way it would if I could seduce it with 15% of my earning potential or threaten it Tonya Harding-style with two hired thugs and a club. Should've I put out on the casting couch back when I was a young, curly-haired know-it-all back in 2002? The answer is yes. I could've at least made it into a Sears catalogue and made tens of tens of dollars hawking Wrangler jeans and Hanes ribbed shirts.

Some people say those who can't do, criticize. I hate those people. They are usually the ones who wear Teva sandals year round, often with socks and/or think running shoes are appropriate attire for every social situation.

In light of all this, think of my What the fuck were they thinking? features as my attempt to rectify a long string of broken dreams and shattered hopes. Instead of staring blankly at you from a cologne ad in Details, I'm frittering away my time taking photos of people wearing things that that should never see the light of day. It's like What Not To Wear meets Candid Camera, I hope you enjoy...

Lastly, this is not about shame or hate. It's public service. So make sure to send me photos of outfits that make you wonder...(insert drum roll here)...What the fuck were they thinking?
I love the blazer, love the elbow patches and would steal this guy's man bag if theft was legal and I regularly sported man bags. I want it to be known here and now that I also love pink in all its shades and hues - it is a saucy colour and adds much needed pizazz to men's fashion. In fact, here's how I feel about pink things:

Pink things that I like: pink wigs, pink grapefruit (mmm), Breast Cancer Awareness Ribbons, Pink Floyd, neon pink signs and pink polo shirts with a popped collar.

Pink things that I don’t like: plastic pink flamingos, the singer Pink, the movie Pinkville (stupid Oliver Stone going on strike while I was in Thailand and it was filming in Thailand – I was supposed to have a one-liner opposite Woody Harrelson. The part was mine, bitches! MINE!), pet pigs, these shorts.

I'm glad we're back to the shorts. You'll notice, as I noticed, that they are far far too loose in the posterior caboose. They also have saddle-bag inspired side pockets practically bursting with personal items that could have been stored in the man bag. It is like his top half is going for a dirty gin martini and a cigar at Delilah's and his bottom half is about to tell Lady Miss Kier that the groove really is in the heart. The sad part is that this outfit is almost there. Almost.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Dick O'Clock

So here's some news - barely a week into blogging and Right Up Your Alley is already getting some internet buzz. I've always been a fan of Queer Two Cents - sassitude and queer content masterminded by a fellow Canuck. Sound too good to be true? My friends, it's realler than Jennifer Lopez circa 2001. Here's an excerpt from one of QTC's recent posts. I have a massive heart on for Margaret Cho. She knows her gay...and gays know dick o'clock.

Queer Two Cents posts:

Margaret Cho: the phenomenon of dick o'clock

Margaret Cho writes:
... Most fag hags agree that the best times they’ve ever had were at gay bars, sharing precious moments with their fags, drinking lovely pink cocktails and dancing and laughing the night away. Until it becomes “dick o’clock.” You know what time that is, don’t you? It is when all the gay men in the club simultaneously start looking for dick. It happens all at once, usually around midnight or 1 a.m., generally earlier on the West Coast. I am not sure how it starts... READ MORE

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Is So You Think You Can Dance's "Mary Murphy" actually the The Evil Lord of Destruction in disguise?

I have a dirty secret...I've fallen in love (significant pause) with another reality show. Poppin' dance routines. Hot dancers. Judges who remind me of American Idol judges, but actually have interesting things to say.

We've been holding weekly parties (yes this reeks of Survivor-mania a la 2001, shame shame on me and my friends) and although I spend most of my time hoping that hot Joshua's clothes "accidentally" fall off on stage, I've recently found myself falling in love (significant pause) with Skeletor in one of his most crazy disguises yet:

Do not be fooled by "Mary Murphy"'s apparent dance expertise or repeated references to a hotties-only "Hot Tamale Train." It's all a clever ruse. Despite the clever front, this so called "Mary Murphy" is clearly planning to capture Castle Grayskull and learn its ancient secrets, which would make "Mary Murphy" unstoppable, with enough power to conquer and rule all of Eternia.

Don't believe me? Check it out for yourself:

High camp, baby. Now compare that clip to the following Skeletor video (click here). It's your turn to be the judge.

Monday, July 7, 2008

The Meat Street Beat

Oh it's hot...The Faya Combo Sessions have changed my summer. Courtesy of the marvelous Amanda G, who introduced DJ Gregory to yours truly just a few short weeks ago, I offer you a sample of some of the best house I've heard in...oh...let's say the past five years. These groundbreaking house tracks are the stereo-ready addition to any party you plan to throw over the next few months.

This is what his MySpace page has to say:

Defected Presents Faya Combo Sessions Mixed by DJ Gregory

‘Faya Combo’ translates to English as ‘Oh It’s Hot!’ – and if you’ve ever heard any of Gregory’s tracks you’ll know this is accurate! Elle, Attend 1, Tropical Soundclash – if you know anything about house music you’ll know that these are just some of the landmark House tracks brought to you by one of France’s finest house producers . This album showcases all of his classics alongside remixes from today’s heavyweight producers and new exclusive Gregory cuts across 3 Cds.

DJ Gregory is one super-cool player, highly intelligent, passionate about music and more than a little bit crazy, this producer holds great respect from all heavy hitters in the dance music community.

His DJ sets are unmissable and he has an army of fans that follow him wherever he performs. Never selling out and always wary of commercial crossovers this is a
person who has absorbed all the various cultures around him and reproduced them in his highly individual House sound. From Paris, to New York, London and Tokyo, he travelled the globe to hone his production and DJ techniques and absorbed everything that House had to offer.

He has been regarded as the king of the afro beat scene with his highly percussive traces that feature many African, West Indian and Caribbean flavours. His biggest production, "Elle" has touched every house DJ that has heard it and became an instant classic. It is a permanent fixture in most of their record boxes.

Gregory was one of the first pioneering house producers that was invited by Bob Sinclair to become part of the legendary Africanism project; a project that embraced the percussive riffs and flavour of Africa and translated them into energetic house tracks.

However the success he enjoyed here made him realise he could do bigger things with his own label.

"After Africanism, I wanted to do exactly my own shit, I wanted to release my stuff, I wanted to be on my own also not to be under someone else's record company."

My favourite track is "Sookoos" - take the time to check it out.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Pride in the Word

Pride fever hit sunny Victoria this past weekend. Parades, dances, the festival at Fisherman's Wharf. If you've never been, it's worth checking out next year. And as with every Pride (doesn't matter which city I'm in it seems), I managed to loose a broad assortment of things: five dollars, my irrational fear of gold lamé, a sock, and (as usual) my dignity.

For the second year running, I was invited to read at Pride in the Word. Check it out:

Yes, yes. Not only am I a blogger and columnist, but also a poet and capitalized on this opportunity to unveil my new fashion poems. Throngs of rabid literary queers showed up in packs, ravenous for queer content and ribald stories. Fans even lined up before the doors opened at 7pm. I'd like to give a shout out to Billeh, Amber Dawn, Mette, Hiromi, Steven and Arleen. They delivered by rocking the mic, then rocking the mic right.

This is Chris (left) and Arleen (right). Arleen (as I just mentioned) was one of the featured authors. From the looks of this photo, I imagine these two spend their weekends frolicking in wild flowers with golden retriever puppies. Aren't they the cutest thing ever?? I LOVE them.
Now for the bad news/loss of dignity: I was heckled. Me. Heckled. HECKLED AT A PRIDE EVENT! What is this world coming to? And guess what it was over? The name of this blog. A female member in the front row of the audience decided to tell me I was a misogynist. Apparently the delicious double entendre that is Right Up Your Alley is not as obvious or mirth-inducing as I initially assumed. And while I was apologizing for making gender assumptions, she told me to "quit while I was ahead." You can find the aforementioned heckler in the following photo, on the far left:
Okay I take that back. I cannot confirm (or deny) that the woman in question was Laurie Metcalf/Jackie from Roseanne, but if it was you, Laurie - here is a Mister Manners tip about literary readings:

If you have a problem with a performer, talk to them when the reading is over. It's the polite thing to do.

And to paraphrase the words of the MC for our event: "Everyone has an asshole. It's the one thing we all have in common."

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Hot in the City - 25 Live Tour

You know who was in town tonight doing you know what at GM Place. I went as part of the Xtra! West press contingent, but can't scoop myself here too badly as I'm writing a full proper article for print in two weeks or so (social columnist by day, blogger by night). But let's just say that George Michael can join Patrick Stewart on my "things that get better with age" list.

As a woman named Sally pointed out during the intermission: "I want to nail him in my love coffin."

25 live = 25 years of performing. If you want to read more about it, click here. That's almost as long as I've been alive, so I gotta give the guy some blog love right here. In fact, every time he came to my side of the stage, I waved with one hand while pointing at myself with the other. Maybe I did some Ricky Martin-inspired hip moves too. Quit judging me.

No video postings from the Vancouver concert online yet, but here's the encore from Phoenix:

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Patrick Stewart + Rod Stewart = ?

Some things get better with age: tobacco, port wine and 70s porn are a few things that come to mind. Recently I've decided Patrick Stewart belongs on that list.

Damn that Saucy Patrick Stewart! Though this video got me thinking. If Patty Cakes and Hot Rod had a love child, what would she look like?



Food for thought.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Back Alley Fabulosity

It's officially summer in Vancouver. How can I tell? I threw a bag of trash in the dumpster this morning, schlepped over to London Drugs and ten minutes later when I came back to my building, someone was ripping apart my garbage in the back alley. Mmm. Junkalicious. There was definitely something zen about watching used dental floss (my used dental floss) drift down towards English Bay in the oh-so-soothing summer breeze.

Anyway, this is day two of what I'm beginning to call Dumpstergate. It's a scandal a minute back there, people. Yesterday, while waiting in a truck out back, some friends and I watched a man (you guessed it) ripping open garbage bags, discover a can of hairspray, spray his hair, "scrunch" his curls in and then scream: What the f%#k are you looking at?

A Happy Canada Day to you, sir. And for the record: we were looking at you.

Traumatic? Not really. Yet hardcore enough that I dreamed about it all last night, though strangely enough, instead of looking like this:
My dream dumpster diver looked more like this:

(PS I joke because I love you, Chris Farley. I kid I kid...However, I'm not joking with you, torn-shirt guy with a killer body and a penchant for "distressed" underwear. You better come back and visit my dream dumpster tonight...or else)

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Happy Canada Gay!

Vancouver's first gay blog? And it's Canada Day? Reliable sources tell me that our nation's finest made an appearance at Toronto Pride. The man. The head honcho. The Harpermeister. I love this guy. Okay, it's been a hot week in Vancouver and I might be feeling it right here, but for your viewing pleasure, this is what our proud sisters boxed on mean streets of the big smoke. They had an arts and crafts session, cranked out a papier-mâché effigy, held a boxing match...and what you see is what you get. Can you blame them? I'm giving an "ughn!" followed up by an "ughn-ughn!" and a couple wet dreams that the Stephen Harper doll will be this summer's hottest accessory. From far and wide, Oh Stephen Harper, we stand on guard for thee...